In which the only time in your life having a mullet is acceptable
Well, today I have a total Zombler on my hands. I think Nathan is teething his molars. I can’t see them yet, but he’s drooling, whining, and trying to gnaw his entire hand off. The only time I can get him to stop whining and feel ok for a few minutes is when I turn Blue’s Clues on.
It’s like magic. He laughs and giggles and forgets about wallowing in his misery, if only for a short while.
As as I sit here watching him watch his show, I’m admiring his growing hair. This kid has had very little hair for his entire life, and I was starting to worry that he would be nearly hairless forever. His hair grew about half an inch a few months ago, but it was so fine and thin that he still looked bald, especially when he was in the sun.
It reminds me of my high school chemistry teacher. He was a really short, grumpy, dour old man and was almost completely bald except for this long section of hair on the side of his scalp that he would comb over. Seriously, he combed his hair over his baldness, only THE ENTIRE TOP OF HIS HEAD was bald. And his comb-over was so thin that you could plainly see his bald scalp right through it. It was so hilarious because it was painfully obvious that he was bald, and he was completely oblivious to the fact that EVERYONE KNEW.
The class would always play pranks on him because it was so funny to see him get all worked up. He was short enough that he couldn’t reach the top of the marker-board (chalkboards are so old school, yo) so sometimes my classmates would put all the board’s markers and erasers up there. He would be fit to be tied, and he would jump up and down, arms stretched as high as they could go in an attempt to retrieve them. His comb-over would bounce and flop, so in between jumps, he would pat it back down. Of course, the whole two inches he could jump off the ground wasn’t actually significant enough to help. So instead, he just looked like an angry, bald, rapidly-jumping raisin.
Think he was strange? Don’t even get me started on the biology teacher I had who believed she was a seagull in a past life.
Or the Marketing teacher who came to class one day wearing only one large, obnoxious earring because she lost the other one and they were “too neat not to wear again.” All while wearing shoes she spray-painted gold.
Thankfully the only quality my son shares with my former chemistry teacher is his thin hair. Nathan has nothing even remotely resembling a comb-over because his hair is shorter on the sides, just a bit longer on the top, and even longer in the back.
In fact, it disconcertingly reminds me of a mullet.
If Nathan is ever going to sport one of those obnoxious hairdos, now is the only time in his life when it would be considered even remotely acceptable; when he’s in the process of actually growing hair for the first time ever. It’s not acceptable to already have a head of hair and then have it cut INTO a mullet. (Why oh why would do people do that? Don’t they not realize it automatically turns them into a joke?)