YOU GUYS! You won’t believe what Nathan just did! (On second thought, considering all the wacky things Nathan has done, I’m sure you WILL believe this!)

So I noticed he was playing with something today. Something small, and I couldn’t quite make out what it was. It looked like maybe a wad of lint or hair. I watched him drop it on the floor, poke at it much like a cat poking at a cornered mouse, and then he picked it up back up and held it to his face, scrutinizing it. Then, he opened his mouth really wide and right as Nathan was about to plop it into his mouth, I scooped in and took this unknown object out of his hand.

To my complete horror, I discovered he was about to EAT A DEAD SPIDER.

A DEAD SPIDER!

I don’t know how long it had been dead. I don’t know if Nathan killed it, or found its curled-up carcass in the dark recesses under his changing table or perhaps under his toy chest. All I know is that I am seriously freaked out right now.

I mean, EW!

EW! EW! EW!

And then I started thinking about that welt on his leg that appeared the other day. That angry, swollen welt caused undoubtedly by some spider. Some stupid, piece of shit spider that bit my little boy. This spider could very well have been The One. I mean, it just looks like it would bite someone for no reason.

And it was missing two legs. I DON’T EVEN WANT TO KNOW WHY. 

All I can say is if that was the same spider, vengeance was very obviously served cold. Sweet, sweet retribution.

Oh man, oh man. I can’t believe my son was playing with that thing! I can’t believe he ALMOST ATE IT. I am so very glad I stopped him before he did… that would have been GROSS! Can you imagine? Spider guts gushing into your mouth? Little prickly legs sliding down your throat? Ok, I think this has obviously affected me more than it did Nathan. My Lord. I’m totally going to be completely gray before this child grows up.

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