Nathan and I had a fabulous conversation last night. Sometimes it’s really hard to connect with him- whenever he talks to me, he’s not all there per se. It’s like there’s a bunch of clutter in his sweet little head, and it’s sometimes hard for him to push through it and connect on a level to where he actually “gets” what I’m saying. At any rate, when he has one of those moments where he connects with me and can really hear what I’m saying, I try to take advantage of that.
So I was in the bedroom getting things in order and straightening up when Nathan came in. He asked what I was doing, and I told him I was just cleaning up a little. He asked if we could sit on the bed together, so I sat down with him. He gave me a big ole bear hug, so I grabbed him close and hugged him fiercly. I asked him how school went that day, and he told me he was very nice to the other kids and didn’t call anyone names. (We’ve been having issues with him calling other people “stinky” and “poopy.”) So I told him I was very proud of him for being so nice. His eyes lit up like diamonds.
“You’re proud of me?” he asked.
“Oh honey. Absolutely! You make me proud all the time!”
“You’re very welcome. You know I love you very, very much, right?”
“Yeah. Even when you’re not nice to me or other kids, I still love you. No matter what you do or what you say, I will never, ever stop loving you.”
“Even when I say shut up?” he asked.
“Yes. Even then.”
“Even when you say shut up? You said shut up last week.” Hmm. Shut up is a bad word in my house. I don’t like it and rarely, if ever, say it. At most, I say hush, be quiet, and when I’m super angry, I’ll say hush it or shut it or shoosh it. Much to my chagrin, sometimes it’s so hard to not lose my patience when he’s backtalking me and being defiant. I’ve been talking to him a lot about taking responsibility for things we say, so I wasn’t going to argue with him about it and lose the moment. He has an insane memory, and for all I know, maybe I did say shut up and just don’t remember it.
“Honey, sometimes people say things they don’t mean when they get frustrated. But that doesn’t make it okay. Sometimes Mommy makes mistakes, and I’m so very sorry.”
“Yeah,” he said. “It really, really, really hurt my feelings. It made me so sad.”
“Oh, my sweet boy,” I said as I put my hands on his face. My eyes started to water. “I am so sorry I hurt your feelings. I love you, Nathan.”
“But why?” he asked.
“Because you’re my boy. I grew you in my belly, and God helped you come out. I loved you from the moment you started growing in my belly, and even more the first time I ever held you in my arms. You’re so smart, beautiful, and sweet, and kind, and loving.”
“I love you too, Mom!”
“Oh yeah? Why do you love me?”
“Because you make lots and lots of good milk for baby brother so he can get bigger and bigger and BIGGER! And then he’ll be so big and then he’ll eat food and won’t need your milk and your milk will go away.”
I’m not even kidding! HE TOTALLY SAID THAT! It was hilarious and SO hard not to bust out laughing. I’ve never told him that my milk will eventually “go away” once John weans himself. He’s a smart kiddo, and he’s always saying things that completely crack me up. And who knew that me making milk for his baby brother would be a reason Nathan loves me? Ha ha. I so love that boy.