A Mobile Conglomeration of Idiots
Have you ever noticed that when you’re in a hurry to get somewhere, all the forces in the universe seem to conspire in an effort delay your arrival, facilitating feelings of frustration and murderous intent? It happens to me. A lot. All the time. Ok, maybe not the murderous intent part, but I definitely get pretty frustrated when this happens.
I visited one of my friends today… the friend whose house I was at when I ripped my pants. The morning started off pretty great with Nathan letting me sleep in a bit, waking me up with soft coos and giggles. I sleepily rolled over and looked at the clock. It was much later than I thought, so I jumped out of bed to call my friend, letting her know that I would be running a little late and would be there soon.
The universe, however, had other plans.
I fed Nathan, packed up his rapidly accumulating pile of accompanying baby gear, and left the house in a hurry. As soon as my tires left the sanctuary of my driveway, the universe laughed at me by throwing a mammoth-sized dump-truck in front of me, complete with plumes of black smoke flowing from it’s muffler, engulfing my car like a mere appetizer. And it was slow moving. Really, really slow moving.
That’s ok, I thought. Things will get better once I get on the highway. Wrong. Almost as soon as my tires touched the highway asphalt, it was if I was bombarded by the Mobile Conglomeration of Idiots. I got stuck behind people going 50 mph in a 65 mph zone. In the left lane. The LEFT lane! So I had to whip my car in front of the person that was hovering in the right lane beside and slightly behind me so I could pass this person who was going so slow that his car was practically waddling. Then, this person in the left lane decided he didn’t want me to pass and attempted to speed up.
Good thing I never mastered the Jedi Mind Force because I totally would have mind-squashed his head.
So then I exit the highway. Things got worse. Much, much worse. It was like a road carnival of the stupidest of all stupid people. People making right-hand turns from the road instead of the turning lane, others tailgaiting me even though I was going over the speed limit, others slamming on their brakes at random, and still others pulling out in front of me at the last minute just to go so slow that I had to slam on my brakes to keep from plowing into them.
Seriously, what is wrong with America’s drivers? How can people be so mindless to the fact that they are driving 5,000 pound (give or take) mobile weapons that can kill others? I am still in awe at how careless people are on the road. And I’m still slightly irked that the universe thought it would be funny to slow me down even more today. It usually works out that when I am not in a hurry, I have less encounters with the Mindless.
I should not be in a hurry more often.