The Curse of the Buttery Fingers

I sometimes wonder if I am the clumsiest person on the planet. Seriously, does anyone have the magical ability to accidentally break more things than I can? It’s to the point that Paul has politely asked me to refrain from touching his favorite dishes… and I don’t blame him. I’ve broken eight of his drinking glasses since we’ve been together.

Eight!

That’s not counting other containers, decorations, and dishes. It’s like my fingers are made from butter… I pick up an object and somehow, some way, it slides right though my fingers and shatters into a million pieces on the floor. Things even break when I drop them on the carpet. All in all, I think I’ve broken over 20 of Paul’s things since we’ve been together. Here’s the kicker… it’s not all fragile glass. I’ve broken things that are supposed to be difficult to break!

And somehow, it’s usually his stuff that I break and not mine. I’ve broken a few of my things, but overwhelmingly, the majority of broken items belonged to my poor husband.

I stumble a lot, too. And I fall down all the time. All the time. I’ve fallen going UP the stairs. I’ve fallen just by simply walking. I’ve never known anyone to stumble and fall as much as I do. And this has been going on since I was a kid. My mom told me that at every meal, without fail, I would knock my drink over, spilling it all over myself and any other unfortunate occupants of the dinner table.

Come to find out, I was born legally blind. I had 20/300 vision in my right eye and 20/800 vision in my left eye. So naturally, I thought that was why I was so clumsy; I couldn’t see. I started wearing glasses when I was three years old then switched to contacts when I was a teenager. When I was 23, I had corrective eye surgery… once on my right eye and twice on my left. The clumsiness, stumbling, and falling, however, did not cease! And my ability to break things that should not be easily broken has not waned in the slightest.

There is something good that has come out of me being so clumsy; I met my husband by running full-force directly into his chest on our first encounter.

And we ended up getting married!

Little did he know he was marrying someone with the curse of the buttery fingers, leaving a trail of his broken items in her wake…