Posts tagged sneeze
Nathan wouldn’t stop yanking my hair, so I had to sit him down. He was unhappy about it.
So he decided to yank off his socks instead
So I mentioned the other day that Nathan’s arms and legs are like four antennas, constantly waving around and touching his surroundings. Well, I’ve noticed that within the past couple of days, his need to touch everything has multiplied tenfold.
I walk by the curtains, he reaches out and grabs them, holding them in his tightly clenched fist.
I stand by the fridge, he swipes at the magnets.
I yawn too big and he inserts HIS ENTIRE HAND in my mouth.
I turn my head and he sticks his finger in my ear.
I find it slightly irritating when he’s in my lap and, with lightening speed, he sticks his finger in my nose. It makes me sneeze, and as I’ve mentioned before, I don’t sneeze just once. Or twice. Or even three times. I sneeze MULTIPLE TIMES IN A ROW. Me, my dad, and my brother are the only ones I know who have this ability.
It’s like one sneeze isn’t good enough. No, our noses have this obtuse need to ensure that EVERY LAST BIT OF FOREIGN OBJECT is expelled permanently and irrefutably from our nasal passages.
When I laugh, Nathan takes his little hands out of his mouth, slobber dripping from his fingertips, and rubs my teeth.
When I walk through a door, he lurches to the side and grabs the wall.
When I smile at him, he reaches out and pinches my cheeks.
And GOD HELP ME if I wear my hair down. Nathan loves to wrap his wet little hands around in it and yank. And I don’t mean he grabs a large section of hair and yanks, leaving me with only a sore scalp. No, Nathan grabs only three or four strands at a time and PULLS THEM OUT, leaving me with a sore scalp and rapidly-growing bald spots.
Sometimes he’ll eat those lone strands of yanked-out hair.
I lay him down for his nap and he’ll lay on his back, waving his little antennas in the air, searching for something, anything, to grasp. Sometimes he’ll flex his fingers and toes while staring at them quizzically. Other times his appendages come into contact with an object… then they’ll roam all over said object, exploring and learning.
I don’t mind. I could seriously live without the missing patches of hair, but that’s the price you pay for having a very curious little one. I enjoy watching him learn and giving him new toys to discover.
He won’t stay this age forever.
Nathan has recently figured out how to wave.
Well, kind of.
He mostly just flaps his arm around, like a cat playing with a feathered toy. He doesn’t bend his wrist yet, but it still counts as a wave because he does it whenever I wave at him. He doesn’t wave all the time, but when the mood strikes, he’ll wave hello, good bye, and good night. As long as there is nothing else he can focus his attention on.
Like entangling his slobbery fingers in my hair.
Or trying to pick my nose for me. Thank you very much, son, but I assure you, I can pick my nose myself. He’s gotten really bad at this when I am trying to breastfeed him. Things will be going fine, and all of a sudden, his arm shoots out of nowhere and before I have time to yank my head away, he’s stuck his finger in my nose.
And he can’t just stick his finger in my nose and leave it at that.
He wiggles it.
It is quite disconcerting.
And it makes me sneeze.
But I don’t just sneeze once. I am one of the unlucky few who sneezes MULTIPLE TIMES IN A ROW. I am like the machine gun of sneezes. Rapid-fire sneezes. My sneezes could be used as a weapon. I could just use Nathan’s finger as the trigger, aim, and then sneeze someone to death.
Nathan thinks this is funny.
Well, at least he’s not picking his own nose yet. Once that happens, I can expect to find dried boogers wiped all over the place. He has an infinite supply of boogers. I’m constantly having to suck them out of his nose with the giant bulb syringe, which he LOVES. If my secret weapon is my rapid-fire sneezes, Nathan’s secret weapon is his arsenal of boogers. So yeah, I’m glad he hasn’t discovered his own nose just yet.
Be thankful for the little things, right?
1. I have a morbidly vivid imagination, which works quite well for me in my field of work (graphic design.)
2. When I’m anxious, I bite my fingernails and leave pieces laying around for my husband to see, just so he knows how stressed out I am.
3. I randomly broke my foot over a decade ago while walking to the bus-stop one day while I was in high school. And old lady with white, beehive hair almost ran over me with her giant blue Buick, so I dodged my imminent death by jumping into a ditch, breaking my foot in the process. It is the only bone I have ever broken.
4. I was a smoker for 12 years. I kicked the habit cold-turkey July 1, 2008, and I will never smoke another cigarette. I had a serious love/hate relationship with cigarettes. Quitting was quite easily the hardest thing I have ever done.
5. I use my son as an excuse when I’m caught talking to myself.
6. I love animals and am especially fond of cats. We have four fur babies who are like humans. However, I am severely allergic to my cats so I have to dust and vacuum all the time.
7. Speaking of which, my record amount of sneezes due to cat-allergies is 17 in a row.
8. I am terrified of bees. I know I can crush them with my mighty strength and awesome mind power, but their stingers pack a sting of terror.
9. I’ve only been stung once in my entire life, when I was 7. Ever since then, I run for my life (literally) and always manage to thwart their evil plans to kill me. People say, “Don’t run, they’ll sting you!” Well, it’s been working for 21 years… I opt to continue looking like a deranged fool over going to the hospital any day.
10. I hear voices and see dead people.
11. Ok, I don’t really hear voices and see dead people, I just wanted you to be scared of me.
12. I am very easily entertained.
13. I recently reorganized the entire house from top to bottom, and now I can’t remember where I put everything. My husband is quite irritated that I misplaced most of his stuff. I can conveniently remember where most of my things are.
14. My husband loves me despite my compulsive need to rearrange things.
15. I am very, very anal about keeping the bathroom clean. Water spots on the sink have been banished. Along with any specks of spittle that tend to magically appear on the mirror. And my husband’s whiskers.
16. I have been diagnosed with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder.
17. My favorite color is pink.
18. Sometimes I laugh when someone falls down. But only if it looks really, really funny. I’m not THAT evil.
19. I really hate when people stare. REALLLLLLY hate it. It makes my butt twitch.
20. I like to make people think my butt twitches.
21. I’ve learned no one can ever out-fart a pregnant woman, EVER.
22. I like really cute and unique socks, and I never care if they actually match my outfit, as long as they match each other. I am especially fond of the ones with toes. (My feet stay cold.)
23. Try as I might, I can’t cook. I think I am cooking-disabled. Thank goodness I married someone who cooks like a champ!
24. My grandfather on my dad’s side is 100% Finnish. I like my heritage… the only drawback is that it is impossible for me to tan. I burn, peel, and freckle, so I just stay out of the sun.
25. I’ve learned over the years not to take things for granted, even the talking chipmunks.