life with a new baby
Posts tagged poop
The Ultimate King of ALL Mega Poops
Mar 15th
It’s been a while since I’ve talked about Nathan’s poop, mostly because I thought nothing could outdo the last poop blowout he had. It’s like I have become desensitized to all the poop that goes on around here because it’s something that happens every day. Nathan poops. I change his diaper and clean up any spillage. I gag. And I repeat the cycle the next day.
But this poop? This poop will haunt me. This poop will be in my nightmares for a long, long time to come.
See, I had put Nathan in his play yard because I needed to get some things done, and because Nathan gets into EVERYTHING, there is absolutely no way whatsoever I can leave him unsupervised with free rein of the room.
Apparently, he pooped soon after I put him in his play yard.
And this poop could not be contained by the diaper. He was wearing a two-piece pajama set, and the poop ERUPTED out of the diaper and up his back.
And for the first time, he didn’t cry to let me know he needed a new diaper.
Instead, HE ROLLED AROUND IN IT.
HE.
ROLLED.
AROUND.
IN.
IT.
My husband got to Nathan first and, bless his wonderful heart, proceeded to start the PEELING process. You know, the act of PEELING all that poop off of Nathan that had EMBEDDED ITSELF into his skin from him rolling around in it.
I walked in to help, and I was about KNOCKED OFF MY FEET by the smell.
Oh that smell. The smell of a thousand sewers mixed into one giant vat of Pure Stink. It was so noxious that I FELT MY EYEBROWS SINGE just a little. The smell was so foul that it seemed to SOLIDIFY in the air. As I walked to the changing table to help Paul, I envisioned these minuscule Poop Smell Particles floating around, invading my nostrils and covering my skin.
It smelled… thick.
I tried not to breathe.
It didn’t work. I had to breathe, so I put my shirt over my nose and mouth… but the smell still managed to penetrate my meager defenses.
There was poop all over Nathan. ALL OVER HIM. It was on his arms, his legs, his ankles, his stomach, his back, and even UNDER HIS FINGERNAILS. But that was nothing compared to what lurked in his play yard.
The play yard was GROUND ZERO.
A POOP CATASTROPHE.
A calamity of unsurpassed proportions.
There was poop on every single one of his stuffed animals. It coated every single one of his toys. It was smeared all over the floor of the play yard and a dull brown sheen coated his book and all its pages. It was even ENMESHED in the mesh-sides of the play yard.
EN-FREAKING-MESHED in it.
It was like a bomb filled with poop had exploded in the play yard, and globs of poop were strewn about all over the place.
My so-very-awesome husband cleaned and sanitized the entire play yard, all Nathan’s toys, and the changing table, which took over half an hour. (Seriously, could I have possibly ever married any one else even half as wonderful as this man? I don’t think so!) This poopage was monumental.
MONUMENTAL, FOLKS.
If only there was a diaper out there that could contain Nathan’s poops… but I don’t think they make anything strong enough.
Nathan needs INDUSTRIAL-STRENGTH diapers.
Yes, It Happened Yet Again…
Jan 8th
Nathan had his first bath the other day!
Ok, before you start wondering if we’ve ever bathed our kid, Paul always just took him in the shower with him and just bathed him in there.
It was fast. It was simple. It was less messy. And Nathan really enjoyed it.
So the whole reason we had to give him an actual bath was because Nathan (believe it or not!) actually SLEPT during his nap. He didn’t keep himself awake by talking to himself or thumping his legs. He actually fell asleep right away.
He slept solidly for two hours.
So, do you remember how I told you guys that Nathan was such a stubborn little guy that he was holding in his poop, and making himself painfully constipated because of it? Well, the doctor prescribed some medicine to help with that. I had given it to Nathan hours earlier, but he hadn’t pooped yet.
He pooped during his nap instead.
And boy, did he ever poop.
Remember the MEGA POOP? The poopage that got all into the feet of his sleeper and the grossness of it made me gag? And remember how I said that no poop could possibly, POSSIBLY, be worse than the MEGA POOP?
Oh, was I ever wrong.
This poop, guys… this poop was WORSE. It didn’t seep into the legs of his sleepers.
It did something even grosser.
IT SHOT OUT THE BACK OF HIS DIAPER.
It soaked through his onesie.
It soaked through his crib sheet.
Rank, stinky, vile, no-longer-constipated Nathan Poop was all over the place.
And when I took off his onesie, there was poop CAKED ONTO HIS SKIN. I had to peel it off his back.
I. HAD. TO. PEEL. IT. OFF.
And the smell, oh Lord the smell.
His onesie was ruined. I have never been one to just throw clothes away. I usually go through great lengths to get stains out, and I have this special routine of soaking, coating with stain-removers, and washing that gets the stain out every single time.
But this time, this time I wasn’t going to EVEN go through that.
So after I PEELED the poop off of Nathan’s back, I wiped him down with a wet wipe.
But wet wipes ain’t got crap on… well… crap.
After about 10 wet wipes, his back was still stained with this gross, brown poop color. Nathan needed a shower immediately, and Paul wasn’t able to get in the shower. So we decided that Nathan was big enough to take his first bath.
We filled up the sink with water and added some suds to make a gentle bubble bath.
He loved it!
At first, he was a little bothered by it all. But Paul gently cleaned him with the sprayer, and Nathan was cool after that. In fact, he really loved watching the water cascading down his head. He watched intently as it made tiny splashes in his little pool of water, looking up at us every so often as if to say So this is what I’ve been missing?
Nathan and his monster poops. I still have years left of this, don’t I??
Strong Willed and Mega Stubborn
Dec 18th
Nathan had his well-check with the pediatrician the other day. He’s doing wonderfully. Still a little on the thin side for a baby, but all babies are different. It always bothers me when doctors whip out that growth chart and start comparing babies to each other. All babies are individuals… some are fat, some are thin, some are tall, some are short. As long as they are healthy, why does it matter how they compare to other babies? His genes simply won’t let him get fat. We’ve been trying so hard to plump him up but it doesn’t matter how much or what I feed the little guy, he just won’t get fat.
Except for those DELICIOUS CHEEKS!
Oh how I wish my metabolism was still like that. Believe it or not, I used to be thin before I got pregnant. All those days of scarfing down chocolate kinda caught up to my backside and thighs, though. I’m doing yoga now to combat it. We’ll see how that goes.
So anyway, back to Nathan’s pediatrician appointment. I mentioned to the doctor that I was worried about Nathan’s constipation. After a slew of questions, his doctor (who also worked as a pediatric G.I. specialist for a number of years at a local children’s hospital) was like, Nathan’s not really constipated… He’s just seriously hard-headed, a.k.a TOTALLY STUBBORN.
I was like, of course he’s stubborn… he totally takes after ME.
So yeah, Nathan is so stubborn that he holds in his poop. The doctor said he’s seen it time and time again with strong-willed babies. They have a painful poop once, then they get it in those stubborn little heads that all poops are painful. Therefore, when they have to go, they keep it in in an attempt to avoid the pain. Holding it in causes it to become hard, and the cycle repeats itself.
Can you believe that? I never knew babies could possibly be stubborn enough that they REFUSE TO POOP.
If he’s this strong-willed now, I’m really starting to wonder how he’s going to be a year from now. Two years. Three years. OHMYGOD Paul and I are going to have our hands full.
An Upcoming Celebration
Dec 17th
Yesterday was the first day in over 100 days that I took a break from writing in my blog. I have to admit, it was nice.
Well, maybe not as nice as a big bowl of deliciously fattening chocolate ice cream, but pretty damn close.
Even though it felt good to finally allow myself to take a break, I still felt weird not writing. I walked around most of the day feeling like I was only wearing one sock, or like I hadn’t brushed my teeth, or like I only put mascara on one eye. (Yes I have done that before, put mascara on only one eye. AND WENT OUT IN PUBLIC.) You know the feeling. That nagging sensation that you’ve forgotten to do something, only you can’t quite put your finger on exactly what it is you forgot to do.
And I didn’t forget to blog. I just chose to take a break. But all day long, I couldn’t shake the feeling that I had forgotten something.
In other news, Paul and I will be celebrating our ONE YEAR WEDDING ANNIVERSARY this weekend! A whole year! Together! With a baby! And poop, lots and lots of baby poop! We have survived!
WE HAVE SURVIVED!
I feel like standing on the rooftop with a loudspeaker and shouting, “HEY FOLKS! WE SURVIVED OUR FIRST YEAR OF MARRIAGE… WITH A POOPING BABY!” Because to me, that’s a pretty big deal. We are still married and couldn’t be any happier, even though we always catch ourselves discussing Nathan’s bowel habits on a daily basis.
You know you married your soul-mate when you can talk about baby poop and still find your partner overwhelmingly attractive.
So for our anniversary, Paul’s mom said she’d watch Nathan for us while we go on a date. We’re really, really excited to have some Us Time. Of course, we love Nathan more than life itself, but after a while, we start craving that elusive Us Time like there’s no tomorrow. So Saturday, we’re dropping the little guy off at Grandma’s house and we’re going out to celebrate our wonderful first year of marriage.
We will not, however, be discussing Nathan’s bowel habits.
Recent Comments
That's so cute that he even picked up saying mmmmmm while he chews! .-= Suzicate´s last blog ..Pinkies From Heaven =-.
I'm definitely looking forward to this phase being over, for sure!
I remember being a slave to separation anxiety! .-= Suzicate´s last blog ..Pinkies From Heaven =-.
There's nothing like turning something so gross and STINKY into something so unbelievably hilarious!!