I’ve been working with him since last summer. Yes, it has taken MONTHS! I knew he was nowhere near ready, but I wanted to go ahead and introduce the idea to him. I didn’t push him and just let him get used to the potty on his own terms. At first, he wanted nothing to do with it. Then I was able to coax him into sitting on the potty fully-clothed. Then from there, I got him to sit on it with his pants off but his diaper on. Then we transitioned to diaper-less but most of the time, he still didn’t need to pee while he was on his potty. Since then, I’ve just been patiently watching him for his cues, waiting for him to be developmentally ready. (Different kids are ready at different points- some aren’t ready until after they are three years old.) He is finally at the point where he tells me when he needs to go potty. Up until now, he would tell me but then he would’t actually go while he was on his potty. Now, however, he’ll tell me and will actually pee once I get him to the bathroom. Most of the time when he wakes up in the morning, his diaper is dry. This tells me that he’s developing bladder control, so I will usher him to his potty where he will relieve himself.

Sometimes he is still mischevious though. For example, the other day he told me he needed to go potty. I checked his diaper and it was dry, so I took him into the bathroom. I couldn’t stay in there with him because I was right in the middle of doing something, so I got him situated and told him to stay on his potty until I came back.

He didn’t listen. Of course.

I heard little footsteps echoing on the linoleum, so I went in there to discover him standing up and walking around. I admonished him and told him that he needs to make sure he remains on the potty until I am able to come back. So I sat on the floor beside him and read him a book. I KNEW he had to pee because it had been a few hours since his last diaper change. After about ten more minutes of reading to him, I realized that he simply didn’t have to go. So I put my hand on the floor to help me stand up.

And my palm splashed firmly into a puddle of pee. Right in front of the bathroom sink.

I was not amused.

And oh. I can’t even tell you how many times we’ve heard him darting around in the darkness, digging through his toys… and when he hears us walking to his room, he’ll race back to bed, lay down, and pretend like he’s done nothing wrong. Complete with sweet smiles and soft “I love you Mommy and Daddy” phrases as we open the door. But upon closer inspection, we can always find a stash of toys hidden under the blankets and stuffed animals, exposing his mischief every time.

The only thing we can think to do at this point when we hear his footsteps exuberantly pounding around the room is go in there and tell him to get back in bed because it’s night time. No yelling. No frustration. No discipline. No negativity. Why? Because none of it worked, and you can’t keep doing what doesn’t work because it will drive you insane.

I’m hoping the repetitiveness of simply but continuously and firmly putting him back in bed every time he gets up will eventually sink into that hard little head of his. He’s seemingly more apt to do what we say when we don’t show negative emotions. Keep your fingers crossed.

But still. He won’t stop getting out of bed. And he’s making himself stay up later and later… last night, for example, he stayed awake until 1:00am. And then got up at 8:00am, which is late for him. He must me a night owl like his mommy. Only I don’t joyfully bounce out of bed in the mornings like he does…

We also converted the crib to a toddler bed. Up until this point, before he started climbing out of his crib, we left it as is. The older he got, the less we worried about him falling and getting hurt. BUT, once he started climbing out, we decided it was time to take the rail down. Once we started the process of converting it, however, we realized a vital piece of the railing for the toddler bed was missing. (This, sadly, was no surprise. When we first got the crib when Nathan was born, it arrived at our house missing and ENTIRE CRIB SIDE. Made in China… go figure.) So we couldn’t attach the safety rail since a vital component wasn’t included. Because of that, the first few nights Nathan rolled out of bed a number of times. Once he sustained a nasty abrasion on his forehead from falling out. So I took some great advice my mother-in-law gave me; I rolled up a long blanket and stuffed it under his sheet on the edge of the bed. It makes a nice round lump, which helps keep him from falling out. Works like a charm (for the most part, when he hasn’t flattened it out from constantly getting out of bed at night), so I’m not quite as irritated as I was about being unable to install the safety rail.

So we’re all pretty tired around here. No one is getting a lot of sleep at this point. I know that this, too, shall pass and that he won’t be this age forever. It’s a phase that we’ll get him through, just like we’ve gotten him through all the other phases he’s been through in his little life.

In the meantime, some good recuperative sleep sure would be nice…

In other news, guess who is still getting out of bed every night? Yep. Nathan. We’ve tried everything… and nothing has worked. We’ve taken away his TV privaleges, his bedtime stories, then his stuffed animals and favorite blankets, then his hot wheels (all 50+ of them), all his dinosaurs, and then we took away his entire toy shelf including the toys it housed, then we took away every single one of his favorite toys which cleared out about 75% of his toy inventory. All his trucks, planes, helicopters, trains, blocks, legos… gone. We’ve even tried spanking. Then we tried rewarding him for staying in bed. Then we tried bribing him with a flashlight. (He loves flashlights, so we told him he could have his flashlight in bed, but he can only keep it if he STAYS in bed.)

NOTHING WORKS. NOTHING.

He still gets out of bed. Multiple times a night. And it’s worse when we react negatively with frustration or lose our patience. When any sort of negativity on our part is introduced, his misbehavior TRIPLES. He’ll get back out of bed immediately rather than waiting a while and do things like pull the electrical cords to his humidifier and radio out of the wall and put them in his mouth and bend the prongs. (We’ve since had to remove them completely from his room.) He’ll even open his bedroom door, step out, and wave at us while smiling before issuing a mischievous giggle and darting back into the darkness. Every time, he gets in trouble. But that doesn’t stop him. It’s almost as if he’s getting a rush or something out of seeing us get frustrated. Like he wants to see just HOW FAR he can push us. So I’m sure you’re sitting there saying to yourself, well then just don’t get frustrated! It’s so much easier said than done, especially when you’ve been dealing with it for weeks. WEEKS. And when nothing you’ve tried works. And you can’t keep doing what doesn’t work. So we’re running out of ideas on how to get him to stay in bed. Discipline does not work. Taking things away does not work. Bribing does not work. Rewards for good behavior do not work. He wants to get out of bed, so that’s what he’s going to do by golly. We’re starting to run out of ideas.

It’s so frustrating. But we can’t just give up and let him do what he wants. Life doesn’t work that way.

I know he’s only two years old, nearly three, and being frustrating and testy is part of his job description. But my lord this kid is so stubborn. I’m amazed at his perseverance. Now if he can take this apparently indomitable will power of his and use it to successfully propel himself through life, then it’s a good thing. But I worry about keeping him on the right path with him being so strong-headed. When he gets it in his head that he wants (or doesn’t want) something, it’s incredibly difficult to get him to change his mind.

Being a parent is not easy.

I think since nothing is working, our only option really is to just not do anything. I don’t meant to allow him to run freely around at night. I mean we’re going to try just putting him back in bed. Over and over and over again. No more frustration. No more discipline or taking privileges/things he likes away, or bribes, or reward offers. I think what he wants is our attention. It doesn’t matter to him if the attention is good or bad, he just wants to get a reaction out of us. If we don’t react, maybe he will give up. Maybe.

We’ll see.

I have most of my Christmas shopping done! I spent all day Saturday braving the crowds, getting jostled by oblivious texters while walking crowded walkways. I seriously can’t stand people who text and conveniently forget that the world around them continues to revolve.

Oh yeah. Speaking of texters, I was almost hit the other day by a moron who was texting while driving (again. This seems to happen nearly every time I drive). I was passing her in the left lane because she apparently didn’t have the brainpower to keep her speed consistant… it varied drastically. So anyway, as I was passing her, I noticed she was looking down more than she was looking at the road. And then she veered into my lane and nearly hit me and Nathan as she was looking down.

People who text and drive aren’t the brightest crayons in the box. They are apparently clueless that they have greatly increased their odds of crashing and injuring someone because of their own self-absorption. They are thinking only about themselves and what THEY want.  I just hope that neither me or any of my family members or friends are hurt because of such brazen acts of sheer stupidity and self-centeredness.

So anyway, I braved the masses, hit some awesome sales, and got just about everything I needed to get for Christmas. I’m not usually able to get everything done this far ahead of time, so it’s nice to be able to relax and not stress as Christmas Day approaches.

In other news, Nathan is still being a bit ornery. This child is incredibly strong-headed and stubborn, and he keeps doing things he knows he’s not supposed to do just to test us and see what we will do about it. His most recent mischief involves climbing up onto his bookshelf to retrieve the baby powder. While I was distracted. On the computer. Can you guess where I am going with this?

Not only did he dump the baby powder all over his dresser, but he tried to pry the safety lock off one of the drawers. We’ve been having issues keeping it adhered to the dresser, and Nathan has been taking full advantage of this weakness. No big deal… it’s just clothes in there… but still. It’s the principle.

And now he is in time-out for climbing on top of his toy chest and messing with his radio (which is off limits!). I was on the computer, beginning to type this post (it seems most of his mischief occurs when I’m writing in this blog) and then I suddenly hear music blaring from his radio. I storm into his room only to catch him standing on the floor, smiling sweetly.

LIKE HE THOUGHT I WOULDN’T FIGURE IT OUT.

Take last night, for example. Part of his bedtime routine includes me singing to him before we say our prayers. When I finished singing, I started reciting The Lord’s Prayer (which he loves… When I’m reciting it, I’ll pause and Nathan will say the next word) when all of a sudden, Nathan started flapping around in my lap like some sort of fish being electrocuted.

“What’s wrong, Nathan?” I asked, perplexed.

“I MAD AT YOU!” he replied. Wow. He’s never articulated his feelings to me before.

“Ok. Are you mad at me because you wanted more songs?”

“Yes,” he said sullenly.

“I understand. I really do. You’re allowed to be mad at me all you want, but throwing a tantrum when you’re mad is unacceptable. We’re done singing. Now it’s time to pray and then bed. Are you now ready to say our prayers so you can go night night?”

“Okay. Yes,” he whispered.

And that’s not the only new development. Yesterday, my mom took us to look for Christmas gifts. We didn’t get home until around 3:30 or so. I anticipated taking Nathan directly to bed to nap but needed to change his diaper first. Nathan balked at the prospect and started saying “NO! Go pee pee in the potty!” I replied that it was nap time and we could try when he got up. When I went to change his diaper, I was surprised to discover his diaper was completely dry. So I ushered him into the bathroom, sat him on his potty, and LO-AND-BEHOLD he peed!!

That was the first time he’d ever told me he needed to go potty… and then actually went! He was so proud of himself that he jumped up from the potty and did a little dance. And I was right there dancing with him!

He’s also starting to really take off with his reading. He has most of his books memorized, so oftentimes I’ll have him “read” to me. The other night, he sat in my lap and read The Little Red Caboose to me. Paul peeked through the door and watched us as Nathan relayed the adventures to me. As he was watching, he noticed that when Nathan hesitated, his eyes would scan the page looking for a cue. Although technically Nathan doesn’t know how to read yet, he recognizes a lot of words, but that was the first time Nathan’s ever scanned a page to remember what word or sentence comes next.

My mom said I was the same way. I also started recognizing words and “reading” to my parents when I was really little. The funny thing is that I remember it (I don’t remember my age at the time, but Mom told me I was almost three). I remember my parents being so shocked and proud of me for reading… but I felt incredibly guilty because I knew I wasn’t actually reading. I didn’t know how. I just recognized a ton of words.

Of course, in retrospect, I see that recognizing words is one of the first steps to learning how to read. Nathan has an incredible memory, so I’m not surprised that he’s memorized a lot of words and knows what the word looks like when spelled. I’m super excited to nourish his love for reading so can hopefully continue to love books through adulthood.

My baby is growing up. And it’s happening alarmingly fast.

So today, I walked past him as he was playing in his room. I heard him say, “Time to clean up!” and as I peeked my head through the door, I saw him picking up his Hot Wheels, one in each hand, and transporting them to their proper place into the basket on the toy shelf. He did this multiple times until all 50+ Hot Wheels were picked up off the floor.

I could not be more proud. I know plenty of adults who are too lazy to clean up after themselves, so seeing my two-year-old do it without any prompting makes me feel like I’m doing something right. I tell him all the time how important it is to clean up after himself because if he doesn’t do it, then that means someone else has to, and that’s not right.

For instance, I used to be a waitress when I was 16 years old. And out of all the different people that I served, guess who I hated waiting on the most? FAMILIES WITH KIDS. I especially hated, HATED waiting on the families with small children. Why, you ask? Well, because the majority of all the parents that came in apparently thought it was perfectly fine and “normal” for their kids to fling food all over the table and floor, spill drinks, be disruptive, and make the most God-awful messes I’ve ever seen. And the kicker? The reason why I hated serving them so much, aside from the irritation of dealing with a child who has no discipline?

SHITTY TIPPERS.

I tell you, parents with messy kids tended to leave the saddest tips I’d ever seen. You see, servers don’t get paid crap. At the time (over a decade ago), the hourly rate was $2.13 an hour, and to this day, it still hasn’t gone up to minimum wage. That’s because servers are expected to make up the difference with tips. So here I am, busting my ass cleaning up after these bratty little booger-crusted hellions and for next to nothing. No matter how great of a server I was… never letting their drinks empty, bringing their orders out in a timely manner, etc… they still only left a dollar or two. Even if that tip was 10-20% of their bill, when they allow their child(ren) to leave such a horrendous mess, they should tip more because the server now has to go above and beyond to take care of something the parents apparently didn’t have the capacity to take care of themselves. And the more time I had to spend cleaning up after a table, the less turnover I had, the less tables I could wait on, and the less money I could make.

It was really such a welcome relief when the few families with well-behaved, respectful kids came in. That’s probably why whenever we go out to eat, our server inevitably comments on how well-behaved Nathan is.

Here’s the deal. People who let their kids make these disgusting messes pretty much look like complete Parenting Failures to all who observe them. Typically speaking, the messy kids are also the ones throwing tantrums, screaming, standing up in their seats, flinging food across the room, climbing up on top the tables, being disruptive and disturbing the other patrons, etc etc etc etc. Lazy parenting at it’s best, folks. So what gives me the right to say that?  Well, my two-year-old would LOVE to do those things. I’ve never, NEVER allowed him to drop his food on the floor, take food off his plate or play with it, stand up in his seat, climb on the table, or any of that. Don’t get me wrong, he definitely tries. But I am the PARENT. It’s my job to prepare him for the next stage in life, and letting him do all those things teaches him nothing but how to be self-absorbed, entitled, and bratty. My child will not be allowed to be a brat. I know he is capable of better, therefore I expect more of him. I teach him what I expect of him when we’re at the table. And when he doesn’t comply, there are consequences (like putting him in time out, for example. And there have been many, many times I’ve had to get up from the table, take him outside, and put him in time out for not minding me at the table.)

Time and time again, I see parents “check out” while their kid runs amok at restaurants.

There is no excuse. None. Put on your big girl (or boy) panties and BE A PARENT. Teach your child the right way to behave. It’s not the kids’ fault that their parents suck, and believe me they will pay for your failures as they grow into adults, and that’s not fair to the child.  They usually end up becoming bratty, self-absorbed and entitled adults who won’t be able to get far in life.  What a shame.

I can’t stand to see bad parenting because it’s so selfish on the parents’ part and is nothing but detrimental to the child. Your child deserves better. Your child deserves a parent who is going to at least TRY mold them into becoming a responsible adult. I have friends whom I am embarrassed to go eat with because their own children, who are older than my son, are hellions at the table. When we leave the restaurant, my son’s area is clean. There is no food on the floor, no spilled drinks (I understand it’s inevitable, but some kids spill their drink nearly every single time they eat) and no disruptions such as standing up in his chair or getting up and running around the table.

The world doesn’t revolve around a single one of us. We have to be respectful of others, and we have to understand how our actions affect those around us. It’s our job as parents to teach our children those same principals. Anything less is letting your child down and inadequately preparing him/her for life. That’s not fair to the child.

See, we’ve been “going to the potty” for a couple of months now, but it’s been slow. At first, he would only sit on his potty fully clothed. Then I coaxed him into sitting on it clad only in his diaper. It’s only recently that he’s begrudgingly allowed me to remove the diaper while he sits on the potty. Even then, I apparently have horrible timing. I’d have him sit on his potty while I read a book to him, but he would never go. There was one time that I pulled his pants up without a diaper so we could wash his hands before I put a fresh diaper on him, and he peed in his pants. Ten seconds after I got him off his potty. Figures. Anyway, we’ve not been having much luck with the process.

But yesterday when he woke up from his nap, his diaper was completely dry. I quickly ushered him into the bathroom to sit on his potty. After about 2-3 minutes… TA DA! HE PEED!

The look on his face was priceless.

I was so excited that as soon as he was done, I jumped up and down and did a little dance, shouting “Hooray! Hooray!” Paul came to the bathroom to see what all the commotion was about. When I told him about Nathan’s accomplishment, he praised Nathan for being a big boy. After I got Nathan’s diaper back on, Paul scooped him up and did a little dance, swinging him in his arms.

It was glorious.

Now to get Nathan to use his potty consistently and without me prompting. That’ll be nice. This is definitely a long process, much longer than I thought it would be. I hear some kids are really easy to potty train, but others? Not so much. I don’t make a huge deal out of it, though, because then Nathan would totally do the exact opposite. We’re just going at Nathan’s pace and I keep telling myself he won’t be in diapers forever. Just taking it one step at a time.

I’ve been taking Nathan to his potty for about two months now. He gets really excited about going to the potty, but will only sit on the potty fully-clothed for a few seconds. And the last couple weeks or so, he’s started to act disinterested. He’s simply not ready yet. I am more than ready, but he’s not.

Surely he won’t be in diapers forever. Right??

Nathan: “Ma! Mommy! Mom! Mommy! Mama! Ma! Mom! Mom! Mama! Mommy! Mommy! Ma! Ma! Ma! Mom! Mom! Mama! Mama! Mama! Mama! MAMA! MAMA! MOMMY! MOM! MOM!”

Me: “What, Nathan.”

Nathan: “I wove you!” (That’s how Nathan says “love.”)

Yes, my child has gotten into the annoying habit of saying Mommy, Ma, Mama, and Mom over and over again, trying to get my attention.  It reminds me of that Family Guy clip. I don’t particularly care for that show, but the clip is hilarious.

“Cut hair! Cut hair!” he exclaimed.

“Yes, I’m getting my hair cut,” I replied. “But that’s something we don’t do ourselves. We leave it to the professionals.” You know, the whole kids-with-scissors thing? Not cool. I don’t want him hacking away at his hair… although I know it’s inevitable. So then as she was cutting my bangs, my hair trimmings fell onto the cape. Nathan, of course, picks up one corner of my cape and violently flaps it in the air, launching my hair trimmings in all directions.

“Please leave Mommy’s cape alone,” I said. “It’s not polite to shake all the hair off.”

“Ok, I sorry,” he replied. And he stood back, intently watching the as the scissors continued to snip.

Fortunately, that was the only setback he had. After that, my bangs were done and we were ready to leave. I love my little boy, and I love these little adventures that we experience together. Speaking of adventures, he has grown a baby mullet and is in need of his FIRST haircut! We haven’t had his hair cut yet because it took so long for his hair to grow. He was bald for the longest time, so cutting his hair will be bittersweet. He’s crossed the threshold into boyhoood… I can’t believe how fast he’s growing up.