life with a new baby
Posts tagged parenting
Mean Ole Mommy
Aug 21st
So here lately, whenever Nathan gets in trouble for something, he stretches out his arms, toddles up to me, and gives me kisses and hugs. Even with little tears streaming down his face.
It doesn’t matter if I say a simple “No, not for Nathan” or “Don’t touch that, little guy.” His eyes well up with sparkling tears, his chin quivers, and he starts wailing a broken ambulance siren. Then he throws his little arms around my neck and kisses me.
That’s why I can never be mad at the little guy. He’s such a sensitive, precious sweetheart, and it breaks my heart when I have to hurt his little feelings and not let him do something that could cause him to get hurt, such as playing with electrical cords or grabbing the scissors the millisecond that I have my head turned. (How DO their little hands move SO quickly?). The way he acts when I have to tell him no, you’d think I’m the meanest mom in the world and that I callously crushed his heart!
This isn’t going to get any easier as he gets older… is it?
Chewer of all things unchewable
Aug 17th
So the other day, I was watching Nathan toddle around when I noticed he was chewing on something (You know he likes to chew on anything weird, and he chews on it slowly and subtly so that I won’t notice). Well, I opened his mouth, but he had tucked it in between the side of his cheek and his gum. After some searching, I finally pulled out his bounty… A PIECE OF WOOD. It was a thin sliver that was probably about an inch long, but he had been chewing on it for so long that it was actually soggy and pliable.
Of course, the first thing I thought about was what if he had swallowed it before chewing on it long enough to make it soft?
The second thing? Where did he find it?
Sometimes I catch myself wishing I could put him in a bubble to keep him safe. And then I realize that he would just CHEW HIS WAY OUT.
A manic little elf
Aug 3rd
You guys! I was feeding Nathan his lunch today when he suddenly was on the verge of an Apocalyptic Meltdown. So I started making silly faces at him. It was only partially successful. He wouldn’t stop crying, so he was laughing uproariously and crying SIMULTANEOUSLY. Like some sort of CRAZED, MANIC ELF.
What a strange kid.
His diaper must’ve been in a wad or something, I don’t know. But it took me holding him while dancing to one of his favorite songs to get him in a good mood again. Now, my arms and legs feel disconcertingly like big BLOBS OF JELLO, but hey! I successfully thwarted a temper tantrum!
What I’ve learned from having a toddler
Jul 23rd
1. Sometimes it’s easier to just push toys around with a vacuum instead of picking them up. I am guilty of doing this quite often.
2. Toddler poo stinks. Oh yeah. And let’s not forget that poo will sometimes explode out of the diaper. When this happens, your toddler will more than likely roll around in it.
3. It takes you 50 minutes to do what people without kids can do in 15.
4. Everything in your house will be destroyed at one time or another.
5. Water gets everywhere when you bathe them.
6. Love hurts. I can’t even think about what life would be like if something happened to Nathan without turning myself into a blubbering, snot-dripping crybaby.
7. Choose your battles, and choose them wisely. Sometimes you have to lose a few battles to win the war and keep the peace.
8. When your toddler is unhappy, EVERYONE IS UNHAPPY.
9. Always keep a handful of toys out of circulation. That way, when your toddler has a meltdown, you can surprise him and keep him entertained for a while with a “new” toy.
10. You lose any and all privacy. Have to poo? Too bad. You have three options: hold it until nap time, poo with the door closed while your little one has a complete meltdown on the other side of the door, or let him in the bathroom and try to keep him from unraveling the toilet paper, emptying the trashcan, licking the floor, shredding the magazines, and going back in the “no kid zone” behind the toilet. All while trying to do your business.
11. You will be inundated with unsolicited advice. And the kicker? Most of this advice will be useless for you and your child.
12. You might lose some of your friends. Many people without kids just don’t get it. They don’t understand how you’re so busy, or why you can’t take 10 minutes out of your tantrum-evading, poo wiping, constantly-teaching-your-kid-how-to-behave, feeding, disciplining, emotionally and physically exhausting day to call or email them. They don’t understand that when you get a small break, you want to be alone with your thoughts so you can recharge, because these people are too busy being self-absorbed to notice that it’s not about them. However, there are other people without kids who DO understand, either because they have the power of empathy, they have been around many other parents with kids for long periods of time, or they have younger siblings. Hold these people close, for they are few and far between.
13. When all else fails, turn on Blue’s Clues, Sesame Street, or Dora.
14. Never underestimate the power of Mommy or Daddy’s kiss on a boo boo.
15. Your back will hurt. A lot. And then! Then, when your back doesn’t hurt, you will start to CREAK.
16. When eating, most of your toddler’s food may end up on his face, bib, lap, or on the floors. Or walls. Or your hair. Or the back of your neck.
17. You will find little bits of food squirreled away in the most random places.
18. There is nothing in the world comparable to your child kissing your cheek or wrapping his arms around your neck in a huge hug. It’s addictive.
19. Don’t be surprised if you try to breathe in your child while he sleeps.
20. Toddler toes are delicious. So are their fingers and hands.
21. Peas and corn do not digest completely. Neither do blueberries.
22. Feeding him too many carrots will turn him orange.
23. Do not smell sippy cups that have been left out. Or even open it up and look at it, for that matter. Just close your eyes really tightly, cover your nose, and dump that crap down the sink with hot water.
24. Prepare for WWIII if you have to skip or delay nap time, change his diaper, or tell him “no” for any reason whatsoever.
25. Smooth legs? Ain’t gonna happen. Just like you won’t win the lottery nor will you quickly and effortlessly lose that 60 lbs you packed on while you were pregnant. Also? YOU WILL NOT SLEEP.
The imp has struck again. Literally.
Jul 16th
Have I got something funny to tell you guys.
My mom came by my house yesterday. She was in the kitchen, and she bent over to pick something up off the floor. Nathan toddled up behind her and SMACKED HER BUTT. Seriously! Then he giggled and toddled away.
Just like the mischievous little imp that he is.
You should have seen my mom’s face… her eyes bulged out and she did this little squeal and jerked up to standing position faster than a speeding bullet, and she was all like, Oh my goodness! Nathan just smacked my butt! I was like, Well, this isn’t the first time he’s done that. And she was like, Does Paul ever smack your butt? I said, Yes, Mom. Yes, my husband smacks my butt all the time. And she was all, Well that must be where Nathan got it from! And I was all, I know! I just want to bend over in peace every once in a while!
It was uber funny. But still. I need to teach Nathan that it’s not proper to go around smacking people’s butts! But I was laughing so hard that if I tried to teach him that lesson right then, it would have been a total FAIL.
I have a miniature butt-smacker roaming my house!
Stubborn little guy
Jul 10th
Nathan likes to attempt to tell me exactly what he thinks when I tell him he can’t do something. I shot this video a month or two ago (sorry it’s a bit blurry- I was still trying to figure out our camera), and it’s just a small sampling of what Life With a Toddler is like. A toddler grumbles over every single thing. He thinks that everything he’s not allowed to do is an injustice. Because, for example, if electrical sockets aren’t supposed to be licked, THEN THEY SHOULDN’T BE WITHIN EYESIGHT. Or at least, that’s the way a one-year-old see it. Same with remote controls. We don’t let him play with the remote controls because they become slobbery, chewed up projectiles. They get left on the coffee table, and Nathan just can’t help himself. He has to touch them, EVEN IF I AM RIGHT THERE, knowing the whole time that he’s doing something he’s not supposed to be doing.
When he starts acting like this, however, I always have to just redirect his attention elsewhere. Nathan has definitely gotten my stubborn streak!
Finally! He complies!
Jul 8th
Nathan has finally started helping me get him dressed!
I was getting him ready for bed, and normally when I’m putting his shirt on, I have to hold the armholes open, reach through with my fingers, grab his flailing hand, and drag his arm through the armhole while Nathan protests loudly and strains against me.
I don’t know why. I’ve only been dressing him EVERY SINGLE DAY OF HIS ENTIRE 16-MONTH LIFE. The way he acts, you’d think I was trying to make him eat cow-tongue or something equally protest worthy.
But tonight, he put his hand through the armhole without my help! On his own! And I didn’t have to sternly furrow my eyebrows or use The Voice. (If you’re a parent or ever around children, YOU KNOW WHAT I’M TALKING ABOUT).
That boy does not like to get dressed, so him putting his arm through the armhole on his own volition was huge. As in, climbing Mount Everest huge. Getting a toddler to do what you want them to do is psychological warfare, so when they finally comply and it’s peaceful, there’s this huge rush of relief knowing the enormous amount of energy you’ve expended teaching your toddler how to behave is paying off. Normally, changing his shirts means lots of protesting, writhing, hand flailing, whining, and even a petulant “humph” or two as he angrily crosses his arms over his Buddha Belly in an attempt to prevent compliance. Changing his clothes can be quite the workout… for both of us.
I hope this compliance lasts because I love not having shirt changes morph into The Toddler’s Apocalypse. Because, to a toddler, anything that is not the way he wants it IS THE END OF THE WORLD.
Recent Comments
Yes! A personal maid would be perfect! Oh, that would free up SO much of my time!!
I'll take a double-layer chocolate one!!
He is SO not happy about it. I feel so bad for him... if only he would groom himself then ...
Don't you just love it? sometimes, I used to think my kids should have come equipped with their own maids ...