So just the other day, I heard him issue his telltale dominating meow. But before I could get into the living room to reprimand him, Nathan clamored through the kitchen and into the living room as fast as his little legs could carry him. He ran right up to Meeper, squatted down, and said, “No, Meepa! No no! MIND THE MOMMY!”

That’s right, folks. I am THE mommy.

Neither cat used to meow late at night before our cat Turbo passed away in September, so I wonder if they are missing him. And prior to Turbo’s passing, Andrew had never pooped outside the litter box. He started after Turbo died, but we thought it was because we bought new litter boxes. Since then, his pooping problem has been sporadic, and it seemed like he only did it when he wanted attention. But for the past few days, it’s been DAILY. And now I want to pull my hair out.

ARG! (Yes, I just emitted pirate-speak. Which is what happens when you have cleaned up one too many piles of poop!)

Our cats always seem to have it out for each other… in a very passive-aggressive way. Although the  physical “cat fights” themselves are rare, (sometimes Turbo will swat at Kayli. Other times Andrew will smack his tail into Turbo’s face) the physical altercations are no match for the MIND WARS they tirelessly play with each other.

Take the above picture, for instance. Meeper, the cat on the right, was sleeping peacefully in the cat bed, minding his own business when along comes Kayli (the cat on the left who is attempting to look smug). But instead of finding an unoccupied nook to nestle in, she decided she would usurp Meeper’s bed.

So she just sauntered over to him and SAT ON HIM, using her body fat to push him into a sitting position.

And Meeper LET HER. He just sat up on his back legs, gave her a rather intense Evil Eye, and meowed a few times…  but never tried to reclaim his bed.

Of course, that’s not the only time one of our cats has used his or her body weight to bully Meeper. Turbo is the reining champion when it comes to sitting on Meeper to get his way.

Sometimes my cats are like having a bunch of toddlers around!

I swear, sometimes I think that our cats believe they are human. We have Andrew, the orange Tabby who “talks” to me constantly, follows me around like he’s my shadow, and even sits like a human, his fat creating this kind of … halo… around his body.

And when he’s not sitting like a human, he’s doing these strange contortionist poses with his body. Remember Gumby? That’s what Andrew reminds me of with his little bendable legs going every which direction.

Then we have Meeper, who apparently doesn’t like his paws to be cold and will actually put his paws under our space heater. Like it’s his personal PAW-WARMER.

Our cats are very well-loved, and they know it. They are so loved, in fact, that all four of them sometimes think they are human. And Paul and I wouldn’t have it any other way…

Nicknames: Predatory Predator, Creepy Meepy, Creeper

The most neurotic of all our cats has to be Meeper.

It must be something about rescue kitties; all of our cats are rescue cats and all of them have their own particular neurosis. If Meeper was human, he would need Valium and a prescription for potent anti-psychotics… which would never be potent enough so he would eventually end up being committed to a MENTAL HOSPITAL, doped up on Thorazine and Ambien.

I don’t mean he’s a crazy crazy. He would never hurt anyone. He would never bite or scratch, not even if his life depended on it. Meeper is a sweet, affectionate cat who loves attention… until you cough, sneeze, or just BREATHE TOO LOUD. Then he scampers off to the nearest dark corner, pulse racing, staring at you with large, glowing, untrusting eyes.

His bad habit of lurking in the shadows earned him the nickname Creepy Meepy. He’s so afraid of everything that he creeps around, skittering quietly from one dark recess to another, scared to death of seeing his own shadow. The poor thing even meows oddly… it’s this weird, halting sound that sounds identical to Predator… just like in the movie Predator.  Other times, his meow is a barely audible meep.

Sometimes when I’m playing with Meeper, he’ll randomly become frightened from the sound of my stomach digesting my food or my TOENAILS GROWING and will take off running, tail tucked, ears flat, eyes wide and bulging… only when this cat gets scared, he runs at you rather than away from you. There have been many times he’s become tangled between my legs, nearly causing my demise.

If he were human, I am certain he would also be diagnosed with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. Once, after he used the litter box, I counted him scratching at the sides 37 times.

37.

Only in my world does a cat scratch at the walls of the litter box 37 times after using it.

I love that cat, though. He wouldn’t be Meeper with out all his neurosis… and that’s what makes him the perfect addition to our family of fur babies.