life with a new baby
Posts tagged lessons
Because chocolate milk should never be wasted
Aug 20th
So yesterday, as I was cleaning the kitchen, I had Nathan in his room with the baby gate up. When I was done cleaning, I decided to make myself something to eat, along with a cold glass of chocolate milk. I poured my milk, walked into the living room, and set it on the coffee table as my lunch was heating in the microwave. Nathan, in the meantime, wanted to hang out with me. So I walked him from his room to the living room, where I left him for a total of ten seconds in order to retrieve my lunch from the microwave.
When I returned to the living room with my lunch, Nathan had discovered my glass of chocolate milk. And by discovered, I mean he had put his entire arm, UP TO HIS ELBOW, inside the cup. And when he saw me looming in the living-room doorway, his eyes became about as big as saucers and he completely froze. With his entire arm planted firmly in my delicious glass of chocolate milk.
Yes, I still drank it.
Every last drop.
What I’ve learned from having a toddler
Jul 23rd
1. Sometimes it’s easier to just push toys around with a vacuum instead of picking them up. I am guilty of doing this quite often.
2. Toddler poo stinks. Oh yeah. And let’s not forget that poo will sometimes explode out of the diaper. When this happens, your toddler will more than likely roll around in it.
3. It takes you 50 minutes to do what people without kids can do in 15.
4. Everything in your house will be destroyed at one time or another.
5. Water gets everywhere when you bathe them.
6. Love hurts. I can’t even think about what life would be like if something happened to Nathan without turning myself into a blubbering, snot-dripping crybaby.
7. Choose your battles, and choose them wisely. Sometimes you have to lose a few battles to win the war and keep the peace.
8. When your toddler is unhappy, EVERYONE IS UNHAPPY.
9. Always keep a handful of toys out of circulation. That way, when your toddler has a meltdown, you can surprise him and keep him entertained for a while with a “new” toy.
10. You lose any and all privacy. Have to poo? Too bad. You have three options: hold it until nap time, poo with the door closed while your little one has a complete meltdown on the other side of the door, or let him in the bathroom and try to keep him from unraveling the toilet paper, emptying the trashcan, licking the floor, shredding the magazines, and going back in the “no kid zone” behind the toilet. All while trying to do your business.
11. You will be inundated with unsolicited advice. And the kicker? Most of this advice will be useless for you and your child.
12. You might lose some of your friends. Many people without kids just don’t get it. They don’t understand how you’re so busy, or why you can’t take 10 minutes out of your tantrum-evading, poo wiping, constantly-teaching-your-kid-how-to-behave, feeding, disciplining, emotionally and physically exhausting day to call or email them. They don’t understand that when you get a small break, you want to be alone with your thoughts so you can recharge, because these people are too busy being self-absorbed to notice that it’s not about them. However, there are other people without kids who DO understand, either because they have the power of empathy, they have been around many other parents with kids for long periods of time, or they have younger siblings. Hold these people close, for they are few and far between.
13. When all else fails, turn on Blue’s Clues, Sesame Street, or Dora.
14. Never underestimate the power of Mommy or Daddy’s kiss on a boo boo.
15. Your back will hurt. A lot. And then! Then, when your back doesn’t hurt, you will start to CREAK.
16. When eating, most of your toddler’s food may end up on his face, bib, lap, or on the floors. Or walls. Or your hair. Or the back of your neck.
17. You will find little bits of food squirreled away in the most random places.
18. There is nothing in the world comparable to your child kissing your cheek or wrapping his arms around your neck in a huge hug. It’s addictive.
19. Don’t be surprised if you try to breathe in your child while he sleeps.
20. Toddler toes are delicious. So are their fingers and hands.
21. Peas and corn do not digest completely. Neither do blueberries.
22. Feeding him too many carrots will turn him orange.
23. Do not smell sippy cups that have been left out. Or even open it up and look at it, for that matter. Just close your eyes really tightly, cover your nose, and dump that crap down the sink with hot water.
24. Prepare for WWIII if you have to skip or delay nap time, change his diaper, or tell him “no” for any reason whatsoever.
25. Smooth legs? Ain’t gonna happen. Just like you won’t win the lottery nor will you quickly and effortlessly lose that 60 lbs you packed on while you were pregnant. Also? YOU WILL NOT SLEEP.
Nathan the Destroyer
Jul 19th
This is what happens when I forget to put the diapers out of Nathan’s reach. He flings them all over the room, every single time. And he knows he’s not supposed to… hence the “I’m sorry, Mama” look on his face.
Food flinger
Jul 14th
Nathan had his 15-month well-check yesterday! (I know, it was a month late, but the pediatrician’s office we go to stays booked.) His weight and height are both in the 73rd percentile, which is wonderful because this time last year, we were having severe weight-gain issues with Nathan as my milk supply suddenly started to diminish. It took a change of pediatricians (to the one we currently have), a lot of pumping (using a hospital-grade pump) taking an herb called Fenugreek to help increase my supply, and supplementing with formula. And it took months of intensely hard work and perseverance to get Nathan out of that 1st percentile. (Yes, he became that skinny.) But now? Now, he’s a little Chub Monster with dimpled, meaty thighs, totally nomable cheeks, and a rotund belly that jiggles when he laughs.
He’s doing great. He’s meeting all his milestones. Well, with the exception of feeding himself with a spoon. We’re having issues with that one because he still wants me to feed him. A few months ago, he was starting to spoon-feed himself and was doing well, but somewhere along the way, he decided that the food on spoons is meant to be flung.
He became a food flinger.
And then he would just play with his food and bang his spoon on his highchair. It drove me batty. When I saw the amount of food in his lap, on the floor, and even on the walls, I started worrying that he wasn’t getting enough and that he would lose weight and become a Thin Man again. I didn’t want that. So I just kept feeding him myself.
And it looks like I’m not going to have to worry about him being too thin. So hey, Nathan. You’re going to have to start feeding yourself with your spoon, buddy. Even if it means half of your food ends up everywhere but your mouth and you have to go hungry for a meal or two before you figure it out. Trust me. When you’re around other kids, you don’t want to be the only kid in the room who can’t do something.
Play-yard catastrophe
Jul 11th
Well. Guess what Paul and I did this morning?
No, we didn’t immerse ourselves in glittering rays of sunshine. Or win any money in the lottery. No, it was nothing fancy or even fun. That’s right. It wasn’t even REMOTELY FUN. Well, what on earth could we possibly have done this morning?
I’ll tell you.
WE CLEANED UP POOP.
Lots and LOTS of Nathan poop.
We had put Nathan in his play-yard for a bit, and before we knew it, he had pooped in his diaper. But it wasn’t just a regular ole poopy diaper, no sir-ee. It was a FULL poopy diaper. And Nathan decided he didn’t like it one single bit. So guess what he did?
HE PULLED HIS DIAPER PARTLY DOWN.
And I’m sure you can guess what happened to all the Poop That Was Once Contained. It was unleashed all over the play-yard. All over Nathan. All over his clothes. All over almost every single one of his toys. And this isn’t the first time we’ve had a Play-yard Poop Catastrophe.
So we spend a large chunk of our morning giving Nathan a bath, cleaning all his toys in the play yard (I’m not kidding when I say that only two or three of his toys, out of about 15 that were in there, were void of poop. The remaining toys all had a little dollop of poop smeared here or there), cleaning the play-yard’s mesh sides, and cleaning the play-yard’s floor.
Not a fun day, so far. Not fun at all.
Stubborn little guy
Jul 10th
Nathan likes to attempt to tell me exactly what he thinks when I tell him he can’t do something. I shot this video a month or two ago (sorry it’s a bit blurry- I was still trying to figure out our camera), and it’s just a small sampling of what Life With a Toddler is like. A toddler grumbles over every single thing. He thinks that everything he’s not allowed to do is an injustice. Because, for example, if electrical sockets aren’t supposed to be licked, THEN THEY SHOULDN’T BE WITHIN EYESIGHT. Or at least, that’s the way a one-year-old see it. Same with remote controls. We don’t let him play with the remote controls because they become slobbery, chewed up projectiles. They get left on the coffee table, and Nathan just can’t help himself. He has to touch them, EVEN IF I AM RIGHT THERE, knowing the whole time that he’s doing something he’s not supposed to be doing.
When he starts acting like this, however, I always have to just redirect his attention elsewhere. Nathan has definitely gotten my stubborn streak!
Try not to laugh. Just try.
Jun 30th
Today, I was crawling around Nathan’s room, cleaning up his toys. One of his toys was in between his toy-box and crib, so I was reaching for it when all of sudden, Nathan toddles up behind me and SMACKS MY BUTT. Then he laughed and toddled away.
I was shocked. So much so that I sat there for a full minute thinking, Did he really just SMACK MY BUTT? Yes, he did. He sure as hell did. How on earth did this happen? It seems like such a short while ago I was bringing him home from the hospital. And now he’s smacking my butt.
And toddling away after he does it.
Kids are like sponges; they absorb everything they see and hear. He must have seen the some of the times Paul has playfully smacked my butt. Or maybe it was because there have been times Paul and I have had to slap his hand. Who knows? All I know is that it was really hard not to laugh.
Recent Comments
Yes! A personal maid would be perfect! Oh, that would free up SO much of my time!!
I'll take a double-layer chocolate one!!
He is SO not happy about it. I feel so bad for him... if only he would groom himself then ...
Don't you just love it? sometimes, I used to think my kids should have come equipped with their own maids ...