So just the other day, I heard him issue his telltale dominating meow. But before I could get into the living room to reprimand him, Nathan clamored through the kitchen and into the living room as fast as his little legs could carry him. He ran right up to Meeper, squatted down, and said, “No, Meepa! No no! MIND THE MOMMY!”

That’s right, folks. I am THE mommy.

I know it’s kinda hard to tell because she blends in with the sofa, but if you look closely, you can tell that Nathan is giving our cat Kayli a huge ole hug. Something he loves to do with all the cats. He chases them around saying “Cat!” and then he pounces on them, hugging them fiercely. They, in turn, are extremely tolerant and seem to enjoy the attention!

Our cats always seem to have it out for each other… in a very passive-aggressive way. Although the  physical “cat fights” themselves are rare, (sometimes Turbo will swat at Kayli. Other times Andrew will smack his tail into Turbo’s face) the physical altercations are no match for the MIND WARS they tirelessly play with each other.

Take the above picture, for instance. Meeper, the cat on the right, was sleeping peacefully in the cat bed, minding his own business when along comes Kayli (the cat on the left who is attempting to look smug). But instead of finding an unoccupied nook to nestle in, she decided she would usurp Meeper’s bed.

So she just sauntered over to him and SAT ON HIM, using her body fat to push him into a sitting position.

And Meeper LET HER. He just sat up on his back legs, gave her a rather intense Evil Eye, and meowed a few times…  but never tried to reclaim his bed.

Of course, that’s not the only time one of our cats has used his or her body weight to bully Meeper. Turbo is the reining champion when it comes to sitting on Meeper to get his way.

Sometimes my cats are like having a bunch of toddlers around!

I swear, sometimes I think that our cats believe they are human. We have Andrew, the orange Tabby who “talks” to me constantly, follows me around like he’s my shadow, and even sits like a human, his fat creating this kind of … halo… around his body.

And when he’s not sitting like a human, he’s doing these strange contortionist poses with his body. Remember Gumby? That’s what Andrew reminds me of with his little bendable legs going every which direction.

Then we have Meeper, who apparently doesn’t like his paws to be cold and will actually put his paws under our space heater. Like it’s his personal PAW-WARMER.

Our cats are very well-loved, and they know it. They are so loved, in fact, that all four of them sometimes think they are human. And Paul and I wouldn’t have it any other way…

And, embarrassingly enough, sometimes you treat them as if they were human.

Sometimes, when you are on the brink of losing your sanity due to lack of adult conversation for the duration of the day, you play pranks on them. Because you have NOTHING BETTER TO DO than talk baby-talk with you baby, clean the house, and play pranks on your pets.

So anyways, the other day, Kayli and Andrew were snuggled contentedly against each other, basking in each other’s fuzzy body heat. Under the curious gaze of Turbo (not pictured) and his tail (pictured.)

Of course, when I see animals who are peacefully sleeping in such a comfortable position, I JUST CAN’T HELP IT. 

I have to do SOMETHING.

So I sneak up as quietly as my creaking bones will allow.

Kayli opens her eyes slightly. Andrew stretches and rolls contentedly onto his back and grunts with warm satisfaction. Grunts, I tell you!

So, with a mischievous smile, I bend over to poke Andrew’s exposed belly. Because that’s what I do when a cat is sleeping peacefully on his back with his belly exposed. I POKE THEM.

I bend over.

And my body starts popping. Just like it does when I’m trying to sneak into Nathan’s room to check on him while he’s napping.

I try to engage in The Stance (mentioned here) but to no avail.

The cats instantly wake up. They see my outstretched finger poised in midair. And, I swear, they laugh at me. LAUGHED AT ME! With creepy glowing eyes!

Ok, maybe they weren’t really laughing at my impending old age. Or my creaking bones. Maybe they were just yawning. But still. It looks eerily similar to malevolent laughter to me.

Like they just envisioned poking me in my sleep…