life with a new baby
Posts tagged food
You can’t have your cake…
Sep 1st
I hate that saying “You can’t have your cake and eat it, too.” It makes no sense. None at all. Don’t get me wrong, I know exactly what it’s supposed to mean, but that’s such a nonsensical way to say it. There is no point in having a cake if you aren’t supposed to eat it. What else are you supposed to do with it? Stare at it? Chew it up and then spit it right back out? Or how about blow it up with a bazooka? Or devise some ingenious way to use it for murder? Maybe recipients of cakes should use them to smother people. Or perhaps the cakes could be used as bait to attract insects. I don’t know why anyone would want to do that, but I also don’t know why anyone wouldn’t want to eat their cake. Some people claim the saying makes more sense if you say ”You can’t eat your cake and have it, too” but you know what? That is just as illogical.
Because who in their right mind would want to just have a cake and not eat it? It’s not like saving it doubles its value. You can’t resell it. So by golly, if someone gives me a cake, I’m damn well going to eat it! Not just admire it. Or save it until it goes stale. Or use it for murder. I’m going to cut it up into delicious pieces and CONSUME THAT SHIT.
So will someone tell me, what is the point in having a cake if you can’t eat it? FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THINGS CHOCOLATE, someone please tell me!
No use crying over spilled milk
Sep 1st
Nathan has decided that when he’s done drinking his milk that instead of swallowing what’s left in his mouth, he’s going to open his mouth and let it all spill out. Nevermind that he may have just been changed into a clean shirt because he did the same thing 30 minutes ago. Nevermind that the milk flows down the clean shirt and onto the carpet and then that, too, must then be cleaned. And oh, guess who does the cleaning? I’ll give you a hint: It’s not Nathan.
Enjoying a snack
Aug 25th
Amazingly enough, this kid really isn’t very messy when he eats his fruit!
Because chocolate milk should never be wasted
Aug 20th
So yesterday, as I was cleaning the kitchen, I had Nathan in his room with the baby gate up. When I was done cleaning, I decided to make myself something to eat, along with a cold glass of chocolate milk. I poured my milk, walked into the living room, and set it on the coffee table as my lunch was heating in the microwave. Nathan, in the meantime, wanted to hang out with me. So I walked him from his room to the living room, where I left him for a total of ten seconds in order to retrieve my lunch from the microwave.
When I returned to the living room with my lunch, Nathan had discovered my glass of chocolate milk. And by discovered, I mean he had put his entire arm, UP TO HIS ELBOW, inside the cup. And when he saw me looming in the living-room doorway, his eyes became about as big as saucers and he completely froze. With his entire arm planted firmly in my delicious glass of chocolate milk.
Yes, I still drank it.
Every last drop.
A manic little elf
Aug 3rd
You guys! I was feeding Nathan his lunch today when he suddenly was on the verge of an Apocalyptic Meltdown. So I started making silly faces at him. It was only partially successful. He wouldn’t stop crying, so he was laughing uproariously and crying SIMULTANEOUSLY. Like some sort of CRAZED, MANIC ELF.
What a strange kid.
His diaper must’ve been in a wad or something, I don’t know. But it took me holding him while dancing to one of his favorite songs to get him in a good mood again. Now, my arms and legs feel disconcertingly like big BLOBS OF JELLO, but hey! I successfully thwarted a temper tantrum!
Oompa Loompas, I am waiting for you
Aug 2nd
This weekend, I ate The Best Ribs Ever.
Seriously. THE BEST.
I don’t even like ribs. But these? These, I couldn’t get enough. And we didn’t get them at some fancy restaurant. Nor a little hole-in-the-wall diner. (You know the kind I’m talking about… on the outside, it looks like they serve nothing more than bland greasiness slapped on a bun, but then you try one of their meals and you’re all like HOLY COW! HEAVEN DOES EXIST!). Instead, one of Paul’s friends had a cookout. That’s right, these ribs were GRILLED, yo.
Did I mention that I don’t even like ribs?
Ok, so aside from having a mega-awesome rib-consumption session, Paul and I had a fantastic weekend. We were actually planning on seeing the new movie Inception, but the theater was packed and we were late, so as we drove upon it, we decided Strained Neck Syndrome just wasn’t worth it. We were certain the only place left to sit would be the FRONT ROW. So you have to strain your neck to look up and see the movie. And everything seems to be out of proportion and oddly skewed because of the weird angle. I hate when that happens.
And so does my neck.
The only downside to this weekend was I gained 5 pounds. OVERNIGHT. After I ate those mind-exploding ribs. You hear me? YOU CAN GAIN 5 POUNDS OVERNIGHT. And I don’t mean water weight. What the hell am I? Some sort of balloon? Is it just that easy to inflate me? I eat a few ribs and WHAM! I blow up like a giant blueberry without the blue tinge. Like that chick Violet off Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.
I’m just waiting for the Oompa Loompas to appear and roll me away so that I can deflate.
Pain, pain go away…
Jul 29th
So I haven’t been feeling well the past few days. I’ve been dealing with insomnia, which is irritating as all-get-out (You know, when I think about it, that saying doesn’t make much sense, does it?). Plus, I’ve had these really strange stomach pains lately. It feels almost like hunger pains, and it subsides somewhat after I’ve eaten something. Only I KNOW it’s not hunger pains. I’ve been hungry before, and it’s never hurt like this… to the point of waking me up (after I finally manage to fall asleep) and persisting until after I eat something.
This morning, it was so bad that I couldn’t take it anymore. I made an appointment with my doctor and scarfed down a baked potato to stave off the pains somewhat. The doctor thinks I might have either gallstones or ulcers.
Not good, right?
I don’t know if it’s my gallbladder. I had severe gallbladder pains when I was pregnant. I mean, severe to the point that I sometimes couldn’t walk and it was painful to just breathe. These gallbladder pains would surface after I consumed something a little too fatty like bacon or butter, and it would last for hours. But what I’m experiencing now? The pains subside substantially AFTER I eat something. And it hurts way worse than the pregnancy gallbladder issues.
So I’m leaning more towards ulcers. YUCK.
So anyway, they’re going to schedule an appointment for me to have an ultrasound on my gallbladder, and they’re also going to do some blood-work along with an x-ray of my lower back. See, I’ve been taking Ibuprofen because of all the back pain I’ve been experiencing lately, and the doctor thinks that could have contributed to the possible ulcers. So he also prescribed Zantac in case it’s stomach ulcers. So we’ll see, right? It’ll be a couple more weeks before I meet with my doctor again. Until then, I need to figure out how in the hell I’m going to prevent myself from feeling like I’ve been in a wresting ring with a Mack Truck on a daily basis.
I thought I was too young to be having these problems. I’m not even 30 yet! This sucks, guys. I hope it’s not gallstones, because don’t you have to have surgery to remove them? At least ulcers can be cured with the right diet and medication like Zantac. Right?
Recent Comments
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