life with a new baby
Randomness
You can’t have your cake…
Sep 1st
I hate that saying “You can’t have your cake and eat it, too.” It makes no sense. None at all. Don’t get me wrong, I know exactly what it’s supposed to mean, but that’s such a nonsensical way to say it. There is no point in having a cake if you aren’t supposed to eat it. What else are you supposed to do with it? Stare at it? Chew it up and then spit it right back out? Or how about blow it up with a bazooka? Or devise some ingenious way to use it for murder? Maybe recipients of cakes should use them to smother people. Or perhaps the cakes could be used as bait to attract insects. I don’t know why anyone would want to do that, but I also don’t know why anyone wouldn’t want to eat their cake. Some people claim the saying makes more sense if you say ”You can’t eat your cake and have it, too” but you know what? That is just as illogical.
Because who in their right mind would want to just have a cake and not eat it? It’s not like saving it doubles its value. You can’t resell it. So by golly, if someone gives me a cake, I’m damn well going to eat it! Not just admire it. Or save it until it goes stale. Or use it for murder. I’m going to cut it up into delicious pieces and CONSUME THAT SHIT.
So will someone tell me, what is the point in having a cake if you can’t eat it? FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THINGS CHOCOLATE, someone please tell me!
What a weekend
Aug 24th
What a weekend. First, I stubbed my toe so badly that it turned this gross, mottled brown color. Thankfully, I didn’t break it, but it hurt like a biatch for quite a while. Secondly… oh man, oh man. Secondly, I tried to go to church on Sunday. I walked into the building with Nathan on my hip, but I was almost immediately given dirty looks by a number of people. Only two ladies were friendly to me. When I dropped Nathan off in the nursery, even the lady in charge there was curt and rude. Finally, as I was walking upstairs to the service, someone forcibly PUSHED me out of her way. After that, I got a couple more rude looks. And ladies, I know you know what I am talking about… where they look you up and down and then they sneer. SNEER. As if I was loathsome and disgusting.
It made me cry.
Which made me mad.
So I turned back around, grabbed Nathan out of the nursery, and left. I didn’t even stay for the service. Because I know where I am not welcome, and I was absolutely not welcome there. It was very hurtful and disappointing.
However, I wasn’t going to allow such behavior to prevent me from attending church. So, with Nathan in my arms, I walked next door to a church of a totally different denomination, and the difference in the atmosphere was like night and day. The people were so kind, friendly, warm, and welcoming. No one, not one single person, was rude to me or made me feel bad.
The experience I had at the first church was so surreal that I felt like I had been plucked from reality and thrust into someone’s high-school nightmare. It was such a judgemental environment, and I absolutely will not ever step foot in there again.
I don’t know why people, especially people who call themselves Christians, can be so rude and disrespectful to a newcomer in their own church.
Then, last but not least, Nathan was bitten by something on his leg. It’s nothing serious, and he’s not sick or running a fever, but he has this angry little welt that he scratches so much that it’s scabbed. I tried putting a band-aid over it, and of course, he just yanked it off.
So now I’m looking forward to relaxing and letting some of this stress melt off me. Hopefully my toe will heal soon… it is NOT FUN having an achy toe.
Relief, oh sweet relief
Aug 12th
You guys! Remember how I told you our main a/c quit working? And how I was dreading the possibility of it being DAYS until our new one arrived? Well, we ordered the new one just yesterday and here it sits, on our front porch, waiting for my husband to come home and install it.
But I can’t help but wonder, is it some sort of… Magic… Air Conditioner? Because this air conditioner was on a mission. See, we paid for one-day shipping but it was estimated to arrive between Friday (tomorrow) and Monday. We weren’t expecting it to arrive so quickly. One moment it was sitting in a warehouse somewhere, and the next, it was on our front porch. WINGADARIUM LEVIOSA! Thank you, Harry Potter. I believe in you now. And I am grateful.
Very, very grateful.
Because now? Now I don’t have to worry about becoming cooked flesh in this unrelenting summer heat. And I can now stop complaining about it to the Internet. I bet you are all secretly clapping your hands, aren’t you?
A melting human
Aug 11th
So I’m pretty sure it really IS possible for a human to melt.
Like the wicked witch off the Wizard of Oz, only without the pointy hat and the whole being-a-witch thing. I’m melting! Melting! (If you click on the link, fast forward to about 3 minutes and 15 seconds to see the melting scene. Because who wouldn’t want to see a witch melt?)
I know, I know. I’ve been whining and grousing about the heat lately, but you guys! Our air conditioner quit working yesterday evening.
As in, dead. Bereft of life. Pushing up daisies. Defunct.
Our air conditioner went to meet it’s maker. Probably the devil himself, considering the shoddy job it did cooling our house as it was. But still… it kept it cooler than it is right now. And believe it or not, we can’t just go out and grab another one because the only ones the stores nearby have in stock are crappy, cheap little air conditioners that would be a waste of money and wouldn’t cool our house. We have to ORDER it and have it SHIPPED. Which takes days. DAYS. I’ll probably be roasted by then. Completely cooked.
Just give me a pitch fork and a pointed tail and I’ll fit right into my environment.
Yes, I know. People in Australia and other parts of the world would totally scoff at me right about now. But I admit it, I am a TOTAL WUSS when it comes to uncomfortable heat. I guess you could say I am addicted to air conditioning. So keep your collective fingers crossed for us. Here’s to hoping we can get some relief and SOON!
Dear Stupid Driver,
Aug 6th
Seriously? You pulled out in front of me just go to 15 mph under the speed limit? There was no one behind me. Why couldn’t you just wait? You were OBVIOUSLY in no hurry. And then? Then, you decide to make a right-hand turn, which normally would have elicited whoops of joy from me. But you totally ignore the turning lane because you are apparently have the IQ of a walnut. Why would I say that, you ask? Because only a walnut would be oblivious to the existence of a turning lane and make the right-hand turn from the main part of the road. AFTER COMING TO A COMPLETE STOP. Without even turning on your blinker.
Look at it from my perspective. You would think you were pretty stupid, wouldn’t you?
You better be glad I’m not Magneto because I would have totally mind-thrown you and your ridiculously slow, blinkerless car up into the air and across the universe.
Thanks,
Your really irritated fellow driver who knows what turning lanes are for. And blinkers.
There’s something on your face. Oh wait. That’s SNOT!
Aug 2nd
My brother and I sometimes have some very interesting text-messaging conversations. The oddest, most random things happen to him, but this guy hardly ever gets embarrassed. He just takes it in stride and tells me about it so I can have a good laugh. This one texting conversation in particular I just had to share, because that’s how we roll, yo. I seriously laughed for days. Days! You know what would be really awesome? If all this laughter actually did something for me. Besides making me feel all warm and fuzzy inside, like a pimply, giddy teenager. LIKE HELP ME LOSE WEIGHT.
Bro: I just had snot on my face and a coworker had to tell me.
Me: OMG! OMG! LOL! That sucks! at least they told u tho! Were they embarrassed?
Bro: No they werent. Someone said u have something on ur face and i just looked away. Then another girl started laughing. I said “seriously?” then she said yes it looks like snot!
Me: LOL oh man. I’ve never, ever had that happen. Snot is way worse than just a booger. Even a big booger. The word “snot” itself is just gross. LOL! Was it a lot?
Bro: Nah it wasn’t too much. When i wiped it off it gelled up in my hand.
Me: Well that’s good. Not the gelling part. that’s gross. But at least it wasnt a big shiny glob. Was it on your cheek? I still can’t believe that happened. SNOT! lol!
Bro: It was mostly on my beard. Prolly why i couldn’t feel it.
Me: I don’t know y but i can’t stop laughing about it!
Bro: I just wiped it off my face onto my hand. Then from my hand i looked at it while they were laughing and wiped it on the ankle area of my pants.
Me: LOL THATS JUST SO FUNNY! I really can’t stop laughing!
Insomnia
Jul 28th
You guys, I have insomnia. I go through bouts of it…sometimes, I can’t sleep as much as 4 or 5 nights a week. Last night was one of those. I tossed and turned from the time Paul and I went to bed until about 4:30 in the morning, when my flailing jarred Paul from his sleep. He patted my back and told me to not think about it, to just lay there and relax and hopefully sleep would come.
I dozed from 5 am til almost 6 am, when I was roused from my partial slumber by my husband wiggling his toes. DAMN TOE-WIGGLER.
My back was killing me (as usual) so I laid there and tried to ignore the pain until around 7:15, when I got up and ate a bowl of cereal and took some Ibuprofen. Back to bed. Finally dozed off again from 7:30 until 8:45, when Nathan woke up. I got up, changed his diaper, and was able to sleep for a little bit longer while my husband got ready for work.
I hate when I can’t sleep. Ever read the book Insomnia by Stephen King? I tell myself my insomnia could always be worse. I could be seeing little bald doctors jumping in the shadows and auras streaming from people’s noggins. So my insomnia isn’t that bad…. but it’s still enough to where it drives me nuts trying to take care of a rather demanding 17-month old while functioning on only a couple hours of sleep.
(Yeah, can you believe Nathan is 17 months already? Where does time go? Oh wait. I know. IT DISAPPEARS ALONG WITH MY SLEEP.)
There is always nap time, right?
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