“Okay, Andrew. It goes like this,” he said as he manipulated some of the pieces. Andrew looked away, so Nathan put the puzzle piece under Andrew’s nose. “See?” he said. Andrew turned his head back towards Nathan and patiently watched as he put the puzzle piece back on the floor. After a few more minutes, Andrew twitched his ears, licked his paw, then got up and sauntered away.

“Wait! Come back, Andrew!” Nathan called after him. Andrew meowed. “Please, have a seat,” he said as he patted the floor. Andrew meowed again and decided to humor the little human. He waddled over to Nathan, sat down, licked his chops, and watched patiently.

And then Nathan tried to feed him the puzzle piece…

“Mommy! Daddy!” he hollered. “The egg! The egg, it hatched!” Paul and I exchanged wary glances as we knew some sort of mischief must have occurred. I strode into the kitchen to discover what Nathan was talking about. Sure enough, an egg had “hatched.” With Nathan’s help, of course.

And see that napkin on the floor? Nathan had even tried to clean up his mess. Oh, my sweet little boy.

The childcare at the gym is great to have, but it’s a little zoo-ish and a bit of a free-for-all. There is no structure, which is something Nathan really needs.  The other kids get really wild, which Nathan can’t handle. Don’t get me wrong, the workers try. They really do. But since it’s a casual childcare center, they’re not trained to handle kids like mine.

So we’re working on lots of positive reinforcement. I am innundating Nathan with positivity. Its important to catch him doing something right. But when he acts up, he gets only one warning, and then I discipline him. I’m not going to give him chance after chance to behave. Why, you ask? Because that’s not real life. And because respects me when I give him boundaries and limits and I STICK to them.

As for the childcare at the gym, I’m using a coupon system. You see, the workers had lost control of him. When they try to put him in timeout, he fights. I mean, tooth and nail. Complete with scratching, kicking, hitting, the works. Once he reaches that point, they have to let him go and not force it since he could hurt himself or them. Unfortunately, to Nathan it meant that all he had to do was fight like hell and then he could get out of trouble. It’s not like that with me, though; I’m Mother. I don’t care if it takes me an hour to get him to stay in timeout for three consecutive minutes. Fighting me never, ever gets him out of a consequence. I have never, not one time, given in. Never. He can’t get out of discipline with me. But he knows he can with others. Hence, the coupon system.

So Nathan and I will draw a picture of a special treat (ice cream, popsicle, etc.) of something he doesn’t get often, and we call it his coupon. We hand it over to the workers when we arrive, so Nathan has a visual of the workers being in control of whether or not he receives his coupon when he leaves. And then if he behaves, they give him the coupon and he redeems the coupon for his treat when we get home. However, if he doesn’t behave, we wave bye-bye to the coupon and leave it there for next time.

There has been only one time I’ve had to veto the coupon they gave him. There were about 15 screaming kids running around in there, and Nathan lost control. He started pushing and kicking and screaming, thrashed and crashed and lost control. He fought the workers when they attempted to put him in timeout, so they had to come get me. After I disciplined him, I had to take my shower. While I was gone, Nathan pulled the fire alarm (WHY do they have those damn things within children’s reaches in the nursery anyway??) The building had to be evacuated, the fire department came, the whole kit-n-caboodle.

Let me preface what I’m about to say with the ladies who work there are wonderful women. They have huge hearts and genuinely like the kids, especially mine. They dote on him, and there is one lady in particular who tries to spend as much on-on-one time with him as she can when he’s there- because she’s noticed he does better when she does. And she told me she just loves how precious, sweet, and kind he is. So anyway, this particular worker (I’ll call her A) said although Nathan was quite naughty, he still deserved his coupon because he tried to be good… A told me it wasn’t his fault the other kids were too rowdy, causing him to become overstimulated. She said she could tell he tried so hard to be good, but it was just too loud and too rowdy in there, and he lost control. So she handed him the coupon and said he did a good job trying to be good.

I thought long and hard about that as Nathan and I drove home, and I made the executive decision as his mother to veto the coupon. I understand what A meant, I really do. And I do agree with her. He really DOES try, and it’s not his fault that he has sensory issues. However, trying won’t get you shit in real life. You can try not to be late for work, but your boss won’t give a damn. You can try to turn in a work project on time, but that won’t matter if you miss your deadline. Trying doesn’t mean squat in real life, only what you actually do.

So I vetoed the coupon. Nathan was gloriously angry about it and had a monstrous meltdown, but I stood my ground. We as a society have to remember that we’re not raising children; we’re raising adults. Yes it would have made me feel good in the moment, short term, to give him his coupon and make him happy. But it would have been self-centered of me because I would be thinking of how it made me feel rather than teaching him an important lesson. It would have hurt him in the long run and not taught him anything. Because even though it’s not his fault, per se, that other kids’ rowdiness overstimulates him, as his mother it’s my job to teach him that his behavior was unacceptable. It’s my job to teach him what behaviors are and are not appropriate.

The only way he can learn that is if I teach him. And I don’t want my child to be like this entitled generation of kids we have on our hands now whose only thoughts are me, me, me! I want him to be responsible, successful, and self sufficient.

But you know what? After that incident, he has earned every single one of his coupons thereafter. And the last few days, he has been SPECTACULAR. As in, zero incidents! The workers told me his behavior has been PERFECT. He’s been so kind to everyone, including the other children. He’s been doling out hugs and affection, and today I was told that when he saw a little girl crying, he got her some tissues, dabbed her eyes, and said “No cry, dry the tears” and then gave her hugs.

Stuff like that melts my heart.

In fact, he’s been so well behaved that today one of the male workers made a point to go to the manager’s office after his shift was over (before it was time for me to get Nathan) to tell management to tell me that Nathan was so well behaved that he deserved TWO ice creams (which was his coupon today.) The manager told me Nathan has been a pure joy.

My heart felt like it was going to burst with love.

Being a parent is a rough path to walk, that’s for sure. Its hard to come up with the right strategy to control your children. Parenting is fluid, constantly changing. At least with Nathan. That kid keeps me on my toes, I tell ya. We’re constantly changing our tactics to keep up with what works best for him. And as cliche as it sounds, I wouldn’t have it any other way.

And then this morning? He unlocked my phone, managed to get into my contacts, and called Daddy while I was getting dressed. Three times. While Paul was in a meeting. And I only found out because Paul called me back, asking if everything was okay. It looks like I’m going to have tp keep a closer eye on my phone from now on!

I am so not ready for this!

The other day, he brought one of his favorite books out into the living room, opened it, and then ceremoniously placed it on the floor. Then he stood up, excitement painted all over his little face. Then he pointed to the book and sang “Blue Skidoo, we can too!” Then he swirled around and jumped onto the book. After a moment of standing on the pages, he looked at me and said, “It’s not working! Let’s try again!”

Rinse and repeat.

He attemped to skidoo multiple times and after each failure, he issued the same exclamation about it not working and trying again. One thing’s for sure, this kid had perseverence. And he’s so dang cute when he’s doing it.

In other news, Nathan had his three-year check-up at the doctor’s yesterday. I tried to schedule it around the time he turned three, but the office said it was sick season and that they wouldn’t be doing well-checks for a few months. So anyway. It was quite an experience. He did great right up until they called his name to go back… he fought me and did the Limp Body. You know, where a kid goes completely limp like a cooked spaghetti noodle, making it hard for you to pick them up and carry them because they just slide out of your arms.

He screamed bloody murder as they tried to take his temperature. He fought standing on the scale, and it was like pulling teeth to get him to stand up straight so they could get his height. He measured 40 inches tall, but he kept slumping over, so I think he’s more like 41 inches. He weighs 39 pounds. That puts him in the 95th percentile for both weight and height. He’s going to be so tall, just like his daddy! Paul is about 6’5 (6’6 with his shoes on!) And I’m a hair from being 5’8 (barefoot). So the kid has some tall genes, which is awesome.

Next, the nurse tried to get his blood pressure. Nathan totally rebelled, complete with thrashing and howling. When she told him the blood pressure cuff was just giving his arm a hug, he calmed down enough to get a reading. Whew. By this time, he was covered in sweat from fighting so hard.

Next came the exam. Lord have mercy. He fought and kicked and issued howls that sounded not unlike those of a wounded mountain lion. He scratched and thrashed and screeched and wailed. He was in complete flight-or-fight mode. I felt bad for him. He was completely freaked out.

The doctor said it’s completely normal for strong-willed children to behave that way. That’s good, I guess. I’m glad he’s not ABnormal. Ha.

So anyway, he checked out just fine. He’s already hit all his milestones and then some. He know’s all of his ABC’s, both uppercase and lowercase. He knows most of the sounds the letters make, but he hasn’t quite mastered that. He doesn’t know how to read just yet, but he can recognize some words like mom, dad, nathan, book, feet, etc, and we are working on how to sound letters out. He can count to 30 without help (with the teens being an exception… he always stumbles over 14-18) and to 100 with help. As in, I need to tell him what comes after 39, 49, 59, etc, but other than that, he’s got it down pat. Right now, we’re working on simple addition (2+1, 7+3, etc). This kid loves to learn.

So the doctor’s office is setting us up with a comprehensive evaluation to see where he stands intellectually, physically (as in motor skills), speech, and behaviorally. He’s too young for an IQ test, though. I suppose that can be issued once he learns how to read. I’m curious to see where he stands, however, and what I can do to cultivate his desire to learn.

So after the doctor’s office visit, we went to eat and then bathingsuit shopping for me. He was a perfect little angel. And that says a lot because he’s typically extremely strong-willed and sometimes embarrassing when I take him out in public. But this time, he minded me so well, sat on bis bottom the entire time we ate (as opposed to jumping around in the seat, which we do NOT condone), and then he was so very patient as I shopped for swimsuits. And then when we left the store, he blew kisses to the ladies at the cash register.

Oh how I love this boy.

“Nathan, that’s really spicy,” I warned him. Without any hesitation whatsoever, he immediately flung the dip laden chip into my unsuspecting glass of water. I guess he thought the chip needed to cool down. I, on the other hand, was less than thrilled. I know he wasn’t being malicious or even trying to be funny- he sincerely looked worried as he flung his chip into to my drink- but still. It was so gross to watch the chip float listlessly in my glass, chunks of dip breaking off and floating around like dead little sea creatures.

I didn’t tell you guys about my “present” either. Nathan came up to me one day, all happy and bright-eyed.

“Mommy! I have a pwesent for you! Hold out the hand!” He exclaimed. So of course, I held out my hand to receive his gift. He then proceeds to wipe a booger into my outstretched palm.

It was a bittersweet moment.

So I guess you guys are wondering where I’ve been lately. You’ll never guess… I’VE STARTED MY OWN BUSINESS! Yes, totally! I won’t say exactly what it is just yet because I worry that if I talk too much about it, I might jinx it (I know that sounds silly). So far, though, it’s going great and I absolutely love it! Its been very time-consuming, but I am learning quickly. And now I’m going to start posting more often than I have been. Thank you, everyone, for being so patient and definitely please send some prayers my way because I really want to be successful, be the best I can be, and take this opportunity as far as I can!

I’ve been working with him since last summer. Yes, it has taken MONTHS! I knew he was nowhere near ready, but I wanted to go ahead and introduce the idea to him. I didn’t push him and just let him get used to the potty on his own terms. At first, he wanted nothing to do with it. Then I was able to coax him into sitting on the potty fully-clothed. Then from there, I got him to sit on it with his pants off but his diaper on. Then we transitioned to diaper-less but most of the time, he still didn’t need to pee while he was on his potty. Since then, I’ve just been patiently watching him for his cues, waiting for him to be developmentally ready. (Different kids are ready at different points- some aren’t ready until after they are three years old.) He is finally at the point where he tells me when he needs to go potty. Up until now, he would tell me but then he would’t actually go while he was on his potty. Now, however, he’ll tell me and will actually pee once I get him to the bathroom. Most of the time when he wakes up in the morning, his diaper is dry. This tells me that he’s developing bladder control, so I will usher him to his potty where he will relieve himself.

Sometimes he is still mischevious though. For example, the other day he told me he needed to go potty. I checked his diaper and it was dry, so I took him into the bathroom. I couldn’t stay in there with him because I was right in the middle of doing something, so I got him situated and told him to stay on his potty until I came back.

He didn’t listen. Of course.

I heard little footsteps echoing on the linoleum, so I went in there to discover him standing up and walking around. I admonished him and told him that he needs to make sure he remains on the potty until I am able to come back. So I sat on the floor beside him and read him a book. I KNEW he had to pee because it had been a few hours since his last diaper change. After about ten more minutes of reading to him, I realized that he simply didn’t have to go. So I put my hand on the floor to help me stand up.

And my palm splashed firmly into a puddle of pee. Right in front of the bathroom sink.

I was not amused.

“Trees! Mmmm good trees!” he said as he chomped on it. Trees are what he calls broccoli.

“What’s in your mouth, Nathan?” I asked. “Come here and give it to Mommy, please.” He hopped right on over to me, opened his mouth, and spit out what resembled a broccoli stem into my waiting palm. “Where’d you get this?” I asked. He just smiled and bounced out of the room.

A few minutes later, I walked into the kitchen and noticed some water had been spilled out of the vase holding my Valentine’s Day flowers Paul got me. I picked one of the flowers up out of the vase and noticed the stem had been chewed off.

Nathan had gnawed off part of the stem on one of my roses. And he then put it back into the vase, apparently thinking I would never notice.

So as I was about to apply some lipstick, I noticed it had been mauled by what looks like little toddler teeth. I’m pretty sure Nathan ate it since I have yet to find any evidence of it being elsewhere. That’s ok… at least he left me some…

In other news, Nathan says the funniest things sometimes.

Me: “I love you, Nathan.”
Nathan: “I love me toooooooo!”

He’s at such a precious age. Don’t get me wrong… it’s NOT an easy age to parent by any stretch of the imagination. But his sweet disposition totally makes up for the frustrating times. Take my half-eaten lipstick, for example. It’s frustrating because that just-so-happens to be my favorite lipstick that I own (doesn’t it always work that way? Your favorite things are the ones that get destroyed) but yet I couldn’t be mad at him. It’s what kids his age do. They eat Mommy’s favorite things and then dole out hugs like candy so that you won’t be mad when you discover what they’ve been up to.

He has no idea I am stockpiling records of these little antics to tell his future wife one day… shhhhh…

When I walked into Nathan’s room yesterday morning, I saw he had stuffed his boots full of his hot wheels. It’s so much easier to transport them from room to room when you have something to carry them in…