Musings

So the last post I wrote talked about my grandmother on my dad’s side being in a coma after a massive stroke. She is still in a terminal state and there has been a steady decline since my last post. She is a very strong woman, however, and is still hanging in there. My mom told me Grandma’s doctor is very surprised she’s made it so long. However, her breathing has become slow and shallow, so the feeling that’s hanging over everyone is that she will pass very soon. She is very comfortable and is not in any pain, so that consoles me somewhat. Even though the general consensus seems to be that it won’t be long now, I think she’ll hang on a couple more days, though. That’s what my grandma does- she pushes forward for as long as she can.

From what I understand, although my grandma is in a coma, she can squeeze people’s hands. One of my cousins sent me a picture of Grandma holding her hand, and I think it’s quite possibly the most beautiful picture I’ve ever seen.

I’m so incredibly sad that her life is drawing to an end. What an amazing woman… strong, determined, witty, and above all, loving and kind to others. She’s never lost her sense of humor. For example, the last time I recently saw her, one of my aunts said jokingly to Grandma, “Hey Mom! Why don’t you get up on the table and dance and we’ll put some dollar bills in your skivvies!” My grandmother was so frail and tiny, and needed help walking, standing, and even eating. But without missing a beat, face completely deadpan, she looked at my aunt and said in her telltale no-nonsense voice, “Well… It’s gonna take me a while to get up there.”

My grandma’s always been quite witty with an awesome, dry sense of humor. She used to always crack me up the way she would say things or tell a joke… always with a straight face, always as if she was serious, yet never attempting to be funny or make someone laugh. She was a total natural.

Because I was unable to make the long trip to see her and say goodbye, I wrote her a letter. Since my mom and dad were able to make the trip, I emailed it to Dad and he read it to her. I’m thankful that I was able to say my final farewell to her, to tell her how much I love her and how much she’s meant to me over the years. I know death is a part of life, and I know it’s to be expected that our grandparents will pass on. But why is it still so damn hard to lose them?