Seriously. THE BEST.

I don’t even like ribs. But these? These, I couldn’t get enough. And we didn’t get them at some fancy restaurant. Nor a little hole-in-the-wall diner. (You know the kind I’m talking about… on the outside, it looks like they serve nothing more than bland greasiness slapped on a bun, but then you try one of their meals and you’re all like HOLY COW! HEAVEN DOES EXIST!). Instead, one of Paul’s friends had a cookout. That’s right, these ribs were GRILLED, yo.

Did I mention that I don’t even like ribs?

Ok, so aside from having a mega-awesome rib-consumption session, Paul and I had a fantastic weekend. We were actually planning on seeing the new movie Inception, but the theater was packed and we were late, so as we drove upon it, we decided Strained Neck Syndrome just wasn’t worth it. We were certain the only place left to sit would be the FRONT ROW. So you have to strain your neck to look up and see the movie. And everything seems to be out of proportion and oddly skewed because of the weird angle. I hate when that happens.

And so does my neck.

The only downside to this weekend was I gained 5 pounds. OVERNIGHT. After I ate those mind-exploding ribs. You hear me? YOU CAN GAIN 5 POUNDS OVERNIGHT. And I don’t mean water weight. What the hell am I? Some sort of balloon? Is it just that easy to inflate me? I eat a few ribs and WHAM! I blow up like a giant blueberry without the blue tinge. Like that chick Violet off Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.

I’m just waiting for the Oompa Loompas to appear and roll me away so that I can deflate.

This morning, it was so bad that I couldn’t take it anymore. I made an appointment with my doctor and scarfed down a baked potato to stave off the pains somewhat. The doctor thinks I might have either gallstones or ulcers.

Not good, right?

I don’t know if it’s my gallbladder. I had severe gallbladder pains when I was pregnant. I mean, severe to the point that I sometimes couldn’t walk and it was painful to just breathe. These gallbladder pains would surface after I consumed something a little too fatty like bacon or butter, and it would last for hours. But what I’m experiencing now? The pains subside substantially AFTER I eat something. And it hurts way worse than the pregnancy gallbladder issues.

So I’m leaning more towards ulcers. YUCK.

So anyway, they’re going to schedule an appointment for me to have an ultrasound on my gallbladder, and they’re also going to do some blood-work along with an x-ray of my lower back. See, I’ve been taking Ibuprofen because of all the back pain I’ve been experiencing lately, and the doctor thinks that could have contributed to the possible ulcers. So he also prescribed Zantac in case it’s stomach ulcers. So we’ll see, right? It’ll be a couple more weeks before I meet with my doctor again. Until then, I need to figure out how in the hell I’m going to prevent myself from feeling like I’ve been in a wresting ring with a Mack Truck on a daily basis.

I thought I was too young to be having these problems. I’m not even 30 yet! This sucks, guys. I hope it’s not gallstones, because don’t you have to have surgery to remove them? At least ulcers can be cured with the right diet and medication like Zantac. Right?

He was a Very Unhappy Boy.

He toddled around after me all day long yesterday, arms outstretched and occasionally bumping into cabinets while whining non-stop. And when I say non-stop, I really do mean that literally. It was ceaseless. He whined through diaper changes, while I was trying to feed him, and even while he was playing. He whined while I sang to him, while I danced with him, and while he sucked on his fingers. He whined up to the very second he fell asleep for his nap and started whining again the very moment his eyes fluttered open as his nap ended.

He missed his daddy terribly.

And when Paul came home from work? Nathan was like a daddy-thirsty leech and clung on to Paul for dear life. Anytime I so much as dared to take Nathan from his daddy, he threw a fit. I think it’s absolutely precious that Paul is such a great dad to his son. I wonder if Nathan will ever know just how lucky he is to have a dad like his. So many children don’t have it, which is so very unfair, because all children deserve to have a good daddy.

And I just realized that I never finished telling you guys what I found out was wrong. Remember how I went to a chiropractor then got cold feet? Well, the pain steadily worsened to the point that it felt like someone was stabbing me in the lower back with a red hot poker. It was agony to stand, sit, walk, lay down. Hell, it hurt to just exist. So I went to my family practitioner who said I was developing arthritis and possibly a degenerating disc.

Arthritis? Seriously? I’m only 29. But having a baby is really hard on a woman’s body… and lifting and carrying that baby around doesn’t help either.

So I amped up my yoga workouts to 5 or 6 times a week and worked on having better posture, and the back pain has become more bearable over the past few weeks. Until last night. So I took some Ibuprofen, which normally helps a little, but it didn’t touch the pain. I tossed and turned, swore and cried. I got about three hours of sleep last night and was exhausted all day today. Then, to make matters worse, I’ve been nauseated all day long, which was a bit depressing. And Nathan was grumpy today, which I’m sure is because he was picking up that something was off with Mommy’s mood.

My back is still hurting somewhat, but thankfully nowhere near the level it was last night. Hopefully it will be even better tomorrow, and I can get back to my old self soon. So I’m going to call it a night earlier than normal. Because sleep is almost like a cure-all for me, and I am optimistic that if I can catch up on my sleep, my mood will lift, the pain will continue to subside, and I’ll feel better.

Thanks for listening to me whine. Any feel-good vibes sent my way will be MUCH appreciated!

Plus, I admit it. I got cold feet.

I always get cold feet when I think about someone adjusting my spine, and even though I’m sure they know what they’re doing, I can’t help but wonder what if they mess up? What if adjusting my spine exacerbates my condition? I’ve heard stories about people going to a chiropractor and feeling absolutely wonderful after their spines are adjusted, then BAM! A few days later, their back locks up on them and they are in even worse pain than before.

Now, I’m not going to totally write off seeing this chiropractic office because the doctors there are so nice and friendly. But I’m going to give it some more thought and perhaps if the pain gets too bad, I’ll make an appointment with my family doctor and see if there’s anything he can do for me besides giving me medicine.

In the meantime, I will continue to do my yoga, which is awesome. Have I told you guys I’ve lost about 13 pounds since January? That’s right. Only 30 more pounds to go until I’m back down to my pre-pregnancy weight… but I’ve set my goal for 40 pounds. I will get there! Just wait!

So we’re one step closer to figuring out what the problem is!

In other news, remember how I told you that instead of bending over to retrieve a fallen toy, Nathan would slowly do the splits until he was low enough to reach it? Well, he’s decided squatting is better than doing the splits. And I agree… only watching him do the splits was much more entertaining.

Remember how a few days ago, I was talking about Mommy Brain?

Well this evening, I was making dinner, and part of the meal consists of microwaving a small bag of rice for 2.5 minutes. So as the rice was cooking, I stood near the stove, alternately stirring the vegetables in the frying pan and talking to my husband. When the microwave beeped to signal it was done, I opened the microwave .

Only there was no rice in the microwave. It was empty.

EMPTY!

I had left the rice on the counter and had proceeded to cook nothing but AIR for two and a half minutes. AIR! And I was completely astonished when I opened the microwave and saw it was empty because I thought for sure that I had put the rice inside it.

In fact, I could REMEMBER putting the rice in the microwave.

But I was wrong. The rice was sitting in plain view on the counter, patiently waiting to be microwaved. My mind was only playing tricks on me because even though the rice was in plain sight, I somehow managed to not see it the ENTIRE TIME I thought it was cooking.

Now THAT, folks, is a total case of Mommy Brain!

It happens once you have a baby. Something happens to your brain. I don’t know if the lack of sleep mixed with raging hormones causes the brain to… oh I don’t know, EAT ITSELF… or what, but something happens and you start to do things.

Weird things.

Nonsensical things.

BIZARRE things.

Like leaving the house with mascara on only one eye. (ONE EYE!) Or losing your keys and later discovering them in the freezer. Or putting the milk in the cabinet instead of the refrigerator.

Yes, I have done all of those.

Well, I totally have a case of Mommy Brain since Nathan was born. Have you ever heard the saying so-and-so would forget her head if it wasn’t attached? 

Well, guys. I AM SO-AND-SO.

I am THAT person who would totally forget her head. Thank GOD they aren’t detachable, right?

I mentioned before that my OCD has malfunctioned. Yes, I used to be that person who always had everything all nice and neat and perfect. Everything was exactly where it should be. Things didn’t get misplaced all too often.

But now, Mommy Brain has taken over. Ever since Nathan was born, I’ve been so very forgetful and… I think you could even say SCATTERBRAINED.

Just the other day, my husband made a pot of coffee. Now, I love coffee even though I rarely drink it. Paul makes a his own blend at the store, and let me tell you, it is FABULOUS with some whipped cream and chocolate syrup. WATCH OUT, STARBUCKS.

So anyway, Paul made coffee the other day and it smelled so good that I could have eaten the AIR. I raced to the kitchen and poured myself a generous cup of coffee, complete with whipped cream and chocolate syrup. I retreated into the living room to enjoy my treat when Paul was all like, baby, what’d you do with the pot of coffee? And I was like, it’s right there in the COFFEE MAKER, duh (complete with a know-it-all lilt.) He was like, no it’s not- oh wait. There it is, on the stove eye. THE STOVE EYE. You put the coffee on the STOVE EYE.

I’m sure, my friends, I will have many more of these stories to come.

This time last year, I was 39 weeks pregnant and ready to meet my little guy! Little did I know that he would actually arrive SIX DAYS after his estimated due date. (Exactly why it’s ESTIMATED, right?) An extra six days may seem like a walk in the park to some of you Mega Moms… but me? Me, I was in agony. That was six extra days of bloating, back pain, insomnia, waddling, swollen ankles, and achy bones. Even my TOENAILS were in pain.

Valentine’s Day ‘09

Seriously, I don’t see how some of you do it. You make pregnancy look so easy and… fun! But for me, during the first four months, I was so weak that it put even a bad case of the flu to shame. I didn’t have the energy to WIPE OFF THE COUNTERS.

That’s some serious fatigue.

But hey. It takes a lot of energy to GROW A LUNG, right?

And oh, the morning sickness. I couldn’t keep anything down. Nothing. I remember before I could even get out of bed in the mornings, Paul had to bring me a glass of apple juice and some saltines. And he was not allowed to jostle the  bed. And yes, that included NO WIGGLING HIS TOES.

The morning sickness was so over-the-top vicious that just the SOUND of someone farting made me throw up. Seriously. Whenever I heard someone fart, even if they were in the other room, I would puke. And everything, I mean EVERY. THING. made me gag. But not just a regular old gag. No, I would gag like I was about to projectile-puke up a massive hairball. WHO DOES THAT?? Well, folks. Apparently I do when I am pregnant.

And get this. I would throw up and the very sight of it would make me throw up even more… so before you knew it, I was on this vicious cycle of throwing up, which made me throw up, which made me throw up… so yeah, I was in the bathroom constantly. It was becoming my second home.

Then there was the second trimester. It was easier than the first for me because the extreme fatigue and nausea finally subsided when I was about 18 weeks pregnant… but then the body aches started. And I had this uncontrollable urge to thoroughly clean and reorganize the entire house.

Only I had this intense back pain that only abated when I wore HEELS.

As in, HIGH HEELS.

So here I was, in my second trimester with a bulging belly and sweat pants (because you know how important comfort is to pregnant women) and high heels, cleaning the kitchen.

The third trimester?

IT FELT LIKE DEATH.

Oh, the pain. Pain, pain, pain. Every single step I took was agony. My feet were swollen. My toes cramped a lot. And my back? It felt like someone had jammed a hot poker into my lower back and left it there, jostling it every couple of minutes for some extra oomph. And constant peeing. The most sleepless night I ever had, I got up to pee nine times..

NINE TIMES. IN ONE NIGHT.

But you know what? Even though I had a painful pregnancy that was nothing like the giddyness that I had imagined, I wouldn’t give any of that up for anything, though. My little guy is so worth it! And I would go through all of that and worse just to have him here with me.  And I know there are so, so many women out there who would give anything to be able to get pregnant. I am very fortunate… and all the “negatives” about pregnancy just give me something to joke about later.