I’m beginning to lose my faith in diapers.

Did you know diapers can malfunction? Seriously, they really can.

I had to change Nathan’s diaper, and as I was getting his pants off, my fingers slid across what felt like a thousand boogers on his leg. Flummoxed, I pulled my up my hand and upon closer inspection, it looked sorta like there was caviar on it.

Only it wasn’t caviar.

Oh how I wish it had been caviar.

Wondering what this booger-like stuff was and where it was coming from, I examined Nathan’s diaper and noticed it had a 4″ rip in the side. When I peered inside this anomaly, I noticed that apparently, the stuff they use to absorb the pee looks like little tiny gel pellets once it comes in contact with liquid.

The liquid these pellets were swelled with was URINE.

So I had little squishy, yellow, booger-like pee-pellets all over my hand. And on his leg, too. I looked around and noticed that the pee pellets were all over the bedroom floor. I felt my heart drop into my stomach as my eyes roamed from the bedroom floor to the kitchen floor. There were pee pellets everywhere. Perhaps MILLIONS OF THEM. Glistening, shiny, and swollen with pale yellow urine. In the kitchen. In the living room. In the recliner that’s in the living room. And in fact, there was a little PILE of shimmering pee pellets ON THE RECLINER. Like Nathan had taken a dump and instead of leaving poop, he left pee pellets.

There were pee pellets EVERYWHERE.

And as I walked from his bedroom and into the kitchen, I stepped on them. Barefoot. I was walking on little balls of urine. I could feel them squishing coldly under my feet. It was a very unpleasant sensation and it felt very much how I imagine walking on dead baby jellyfish might feel like.

Even worse than the aquatic mental imagery was that we couldn’t just haul out the vacuum and vacuum it up because WHO WANTS A PEE IN THEIR VACUUM? Not me. So we had to go around and manually pick up Nathan’s little balls of pee with our bare hands.

So. We won’t be buying that particular brand diaper anymore, that’s for sure. Because picking up someone’s pee pellets just ONCE in a lifetime is one time too many.

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