Archive for August 2, 2010

There’s something on your face. Oh wait. That’s SNOT!


My brother and I sometimes have some very interesting text-messaging conversations. The oddest, most random things happen to him, but this guy hardly ever gets embarrassed. He just takes it in stride and tells me about it so I can have a good laugh. This one texting conversation in particular I just had to share, because that’s how we roll, yo. I seriously laughed for days. Days!  You know what would be really awesome? If all this laughter actually did something for me. Besides making me feel all warm and fuzzy inside, like a pimply, giddy teenager. LIKE HELP ME LOSE WEIGHT.

Bro: I just had snot on my face and a coworker had to tell me.

Me: OMG! OMG! LOL! That sucks! at least they told u tho! Were they embarrassed?

Bro: No they werent. Someone said u have something on ur face and i just looked away. Then another girl started laughing. I said “seriously?” then she said yes it looks like snot!

Me: LOL oh man. I’ve never, ever had that happen. Snot is way worse than just a booger. Even a big booger. The word “snot” itself is just gross. LOL! Was it a lot?

Bro: Nah it wasn’t too much. When i wiped it off it gelled up in my hand.

Me: Well that’s good. Not the gelling part. that’s gross. But at least it wasnt a big shiny glob. Was it on your cheek? I still can’t believe that happened. SNOT! lol!

Bro: It was mostly on my beard. Prolly why i couldn’t feel it.

Me: I don’t know y but i can’t stop laughing about it!

Bro: I just wiped it off my face onto my hand. Then from my hand i looked at it while they were laughing and wiped it on the ankle area of my pants.

Me: LOL THATS JUST SO FUNNY! I really can’t stop laughing!


Oompa Loompas, I am waiting for you


This weekend, I ate The Best Ribs Ever.

Seriously. THE BEST.

I don’t even like ribs. But these? These, I couldn’t get enough. And we didn’t get them at some fancy restaurant. Nor a little hole-in-the-wall diner. (You know the kind I’m talking about… on the outside, it looks like they serve nothing more than bland greasiness slapped on a bun, but then you try one of their meals and you’re all like HOLY COW! HEAVEN DOES EXIST!). Instead, one of Paul’s friends had a cookout. That’s right, these ribs were GRILLED, yo.

Did I mention that I don’t even like ribs?

Ok, so aside from having a mega-awesome rib-consumption session, Paul and I had a fantastic weekend. We were actually planning on seeing the new movie Inception, but the theater was packed and we were late, so as we drove upon it, we decided Strained Neck Syndrome just wasn’t worth it. We were certain the only place left to sit would be the FRONT ROW. So you have to strain your neck to look up and see the movie. And everything seems to be out of proportion and oddly skewed because of the weird angle. I hate when that happens.

And so does my neck.

The only downside to this weekend was I gained 5 pounds. OVERNIGHT. After I ate those mind-exploding ribs. You hear me? YOU CAN GAIN 5 POUNDS OVERNIGHT. And I don’t mean water weight. What the hell am I? Some sort of balloon? Is it just that easy to inflate me? I eat a few ribs and WHAM! I blow up like a giant blueberry without the blue tinge. Like that chick Violet off Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.

I’m just waiting for the Oompa Loompas to appear and roll me away so that I can deflate.

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