Archive for March, 2010

Because I’m Tired of Creaking

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Ok. I did it. I finally caved. No, I didn’t cave to Nathan’s ultimate wish of being COMPLETELY REABSORBED by me.  And no, I didn’t eat the rest of that chocolate ice cream that has been sitting all lonely in the freezer, begging to be enjoyably devoured.  This time I did something for my health.

I made an appointment with a chiropractor to take a look a my back. And DO something about it.

Because, let me tell ya. Ever since I was 5 months pregnant, my back has turned into a separate entity entirely and has been TRYING TO KILL ME. I can feel the bones and muscles in my back conspiring with each other. Let’s swell up here, and let’s spasm a little there, they whisper in a brittle whisper indicative of unbridled hate. I don’t know why my back hates me. But it is totally my enemy at the moment.

It hurts to stand. It hurts to sit. It hurts to lay down. Everything I do hurts, and I’m to the point that I have to do something about it. As in, the universe will IMPLODE IN UPON ITSELF if I do not. That’s how badly my back hurts.

See, a few years ago, I won this “free visit” to a chiropractor which included free x-rays and a complimentary full-body massage on this bed thingy that had these roller thingies in it. I took my brother with me as my guest. We both got the roller massage, and although it was bumpy and borderline painful, it was worth the trip because our x-rays revealed why both of us had back pain. Both of our spines are crooked!! Ok, not like… humped… or anything, but both of our spines curve ever so slightly to the left at our lower backs.

In fact, the x-rays of our spines looked identical. The only difference being my hips were wider than his.

The chiropractor said he could adjust our spines and over time, it would help ease our discomfort… but the thought of having our spines manipulated in any way disturbed us.

So, no chiropractic for me or my brother!

Now, years later, my back is hurting worse than it ever has before. So this place I’m going will do this really cool scan of my spine, which has way more details than just an x-ray. Hopefully, this scan will reveal why the pain has progressed to such a point that it’s become intolerable.

And hopefully, they can fix me.

Gotta be better than going to the doctor, right? Because I’ve seen it happen time and time again to various people I’ve known through my walk of life. They hurt somewhere. They see the doctor. Doctor prescribes muscles relaxers and pain medication. And what starts out very innocently can eventually morph into something that destroys not only the individual his or herself, but their entire family as well.

Addiction.

That’s something I’m afraid to take a chance with. Because addiction is something you cannot control. I’ve been addicted to cigarettes- was a smoker for 12 years- but I quit when I found out I was pregnant and will never, ever pick another one up again.

So my appointment is coming up at the beginning of next week. Keep your collective fingers crossed for me because it would be totally wonderful to not walk around with my hand constantly massaging my lower back. I feel like I creak with every move.

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For the Love of Crackers

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After refusing to eat crackers for the longest time, Nathan has finally decided that he loves to crackers after all. LOVES THEM. But only because I stood in front of him with my own cracker, saying “YUM YUM! This cracker is SOOO YUMMY!” while pretending like that cracker was the best thing I had ever eaten. It worked. He decided he likes crackers… for now.

httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ipolst8pKvA

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As Time Progresses

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Nathan going through this big Separation Anxiety phase right now, so I’ve been having to carry him around a lot. Because if I don’t, the little guys just cries his little heart out, as if the lack of my presence is the most painful thing he’s ever endured IN HIS LIFE.

Oh, little guy. There are so many other things in life that are so much worse than Mommy taking 2 minutes to PEE.

I’ve had to carry him around so much so that I swear my right arm has become significantly stronger than my left one. Hopefully, it won’t be as obvious as that dude from Lady in the Water, though. I thought the size difference in his arms was just creepy.

But you know what? Nathan totally makes up for this semi- frustrating phase by doing some really super duper cute things. For instance, he hasn’t mastered the whole bending over thing, so when he’s holding onto the coffee table and drops a toy, he’ll slowly move his legs into the splits until he’s low enough to retrieve his toy. And all the bubbly noises he makes as he plays with his toys are just downright adorable. So are those cheeky grins and his laughter that is so hearty that it often reverberates throughout the room.

How I love watching him develop. I get so nostalgic watching him play sometimes because as I watch him, I’m thinking about how just BARELY A YEAR AGO, he was this tiny, helpless, and very loud miniature human who couldn’t even hold his head up on his own, much less make his way around a room.

I am in constant awe at how quickly the time passes.

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The Ultimate King of ALL Mega Poops

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It’s been a while since I’ve talked about Nathan’s poop, mostly because I thought nothing could outdo the last poop blowout he had.  It’s like I have become desensitized to all the poop that goes on around here because it’s something that happens every day. Nathan poops. I change his diaper and clean up any spillage. I gag. And I repeat the cycle the next day.

But this poop? This poop will haunt me. This poop will be in my nightmares for a long, long time to come.

See, I had put Nathan in his play yard because I needed to get some things done, and because Nathan gets into EVERYTHING, there is absolutely no way whatsoever I can leave him unsupervised with free rein of the room.

Apparently, he pooped soon after I put him in his play yard.

And this poop could not be contained by the diaper. He was wearing a two-piece pajama set, and the poop ERUPTED out of the diaper and up his back.

And for the first time, he didn’t cry to let me know he needed a new diaper.

Instead, HE ROLLED AROUND IN IT.

HE.

ROLLED.

AROUND.

IN.

IT.

My husband got to Nathan first and, bless his wonderful heart, proceeded to start the PEELING process. You know, the act of PEELING all that poop off of Nathan that had EMBEDDED ITSELF into his skin from him rolling around in it.

I walked in to help, and I was about KNOCKED OFF MY FEET by the smell.

Oh that smell. The smell of a thousand sewers mixed into one giant vat of Pure Stink. It was so noxious that I FELT MY EYEBROWS SINGE just a little. The smell was so foul that it seemed to SOLIDIFY in the air. As I walked to the changing table to help Paul, I envisioned these minuscule Poop Smell Particles floating around, invading my nostrils and covering my skin.

It smelled… thick.

I tried not to breathe.

It didn’t work. I had to breathe, so I put my shirt over my nose and mouth… but the smell still managed to penetrate my meager defenses.   

There was poop all over Nathan. ALL OVER HIM. It was on his arms, his legs, his ankles, his stomach, his back, and even UNDER HIS FINGERNAILS. But that was nothing compared to what lurked in his play yard.

The play yard was GROUND ZERO.

A POOP CATASTROPHE.

A calamity of unsurpassed proportions.

There was poop on every single one of his stuffed animals. It coated every single one of his toys. It was smeared all over the floor of the play yard and a dull brown sheen coated his book and all its pages. It was even ENMESHED in the mesh-sides of the play yard.

EN-FREAKING-MESHED in it.

It was like a bomb filled with poop had exploded in the play yard, and globs of poop were strewn about all over the place.

My so-very-awesome husband cleaned and sanitized the entire play yard, all Nathan’s toys, and the changing table, which took over half an hour. (Seriously, could I have possibly ever married any one else even half as wonderful as this man? I don’t think so!) This poopage was monumental.

MONUMENTAL, FOLKS.

If only there was a diaper out there that could contain Nathan’s poops… but I don’t think they make anything strong enough.

Nathan needs INDUSTRIAL-STRENGTH diapers.

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