As of next week, my little baby will no longer be considered an infant. Now, it’s life with a ONE YEAR OLD.

And it can be really frustrating, I think mostly because Nathan has all these emotions and feelings but he has no way to communicate them. One minute, he’s my sweet little guy… all smiles and dripping drool. The very next minute, he’s like an animal… howling, screeching, pinching, smacking, and simply being defiant.

And it can be over something as simple as feeding him something like pears.

It doesn’t matter that yesterday, pears were his favorite food. Because today, they are NOT his favorite food. And I’m his mother, so apparently, I’m supposed to be his personal mind-reader, because he acts like he simply CANNOT believe that I would have the utter audacity to GIVE HIM PEARS.

And don’t even get me started on diaper changes.

He used to be fine with them. Then one day, out of the clear blue, he suddenly turned into this wriggling snake-like being who defied the changing-table restraint straps like a force to be reckoned with. What used to take only a couple of minutes has now turned into a battle of wills.

Nathan does not want his diaper changed.

I do.

So he twists and contorts and screams, and I coax and cajole and try to be as fast as I can.

And when Nathan and I are just hanging out and playing, sometimes he’ll push me away when I try to hug him. I try not to take it personally because, hell, he’s only a year old and has no concept of other people’s feelings. But when I bend over to hug him or pick him up and he pushes me away, I can’t help but feel like little pang of sadness.

My baby wants to be independent.

And when he’s in the floor playing with the toys that surround him, he’ll suddenly get upset for whatever reason. And he will slap his toys away, throw his arm dramatically over his eyes, and cry while intermittently peeking out from under his arm to make sure I’m watching this spectacle.

But he also has his really sweet moments… moments that make my heart swell up with so much love that it feels like I’m about to float away on a wispy cloud of pure bliss. Like when we wake up from a nap and he rubs my cheek every so gently.

With a hand coated in slobber.

But then he forgets he’s supposed to be gentle when touching my face and will smack me out of sheer… love. Can you believe it? He loves me so much that he gets super excited and starts smacking my face. I tried explaining that domestic violence isn’t how you show love, but of course he doesn’t quite get that concept.

Sometimes he even tries to yank off my lips. AS IF THEY ARE DETACHABLE.

It’s absolutely amazing watching him grow. A year ago, he was 100% dependant on me for every single thing. Now? Now, he’s becoming a little more independent each day. I’ve watched him grow from this helpless little being into someone with his own personality and his own wants and needs. I’ve watched him learn how to roll over, how to sit up, how to crawl… and I cry a little (JUST A LITTLE) each time he masters a new skill.

And nothing beats when he wraps his little arms around my neck and gives me a hug or nestles into my hair.

Ah, living life with a one-year old. It’s never, ever dull. Or boring.

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